“You will have a brother/sister”

No matter how hard you try, you can’t predict everything. However, it is extremely important to take into account the nature and characteristics of your child, so as not to make him worse. He will have an extremely difficult period if you try to curb his jealousy in an inappropriate way.

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• Brothers and sisters: without them, we would be different!

Imagine that one day your husband comes home and introduces you to another wife, almost the same as you. Moreover, imagine that in doing so, he uses the same phrases that are usually said to an older child, introducing him to a younger one.

1. “Honey, now we’re having another baby because we thought it would be great if you had a brother or sister to play with.” “Honey, now we have another wife, because we thought it would be great if you have someone to communicate with and someone who can help you around the house.”
2. “We love you so much that we couldn’t wait to have another such wonderful child. This does not mean that we will love you less: we will all love each other. In the case of a husband, it would sound like this: “I love you so much that I could not wait until I had another such wonderful wife. This does not mean that I will love you less: we will all love each other.
3. “This will be our common child, and we will take care of him all together.” In the words of the husband: “This will be our common wife, and we will take care of her together.”

Are you still surprised that a child is jealous?

He may worry that the attitude towards him will change, he may be afraid that he will be less loved and paid less attention to him. He thinks: if they love me so much, why do they need another child? When a child is jealous, he cannot control his behavior and deal with such strong emotions alone – he needs the help of adults.

What can be done?

• You can try to explain and show how you will all take care of the baby with the help of a doll: how he will be fed, where he will sleep, and so on. The child may like to play “daughter-mother” with the doll.
• It is important that the child learns the news about the upcoming replenishment in the family from you: if he learns this from some friend or grandparents, his trust in you may be undermined.
• It is not a good idea to present a future brother or sister to an older child as a company for games. After all, the first-born will be disappointed: for a long time the baby will only eat, sleep and cry.
• Clearly explain to the child that you will go to the hospital for his brother / sister, that while you are not around, he will be taken care of (dad, grandparents …), that everything will be fine with him and with you, that he will be able to help you visit and in a few days you will be at home.
• If possible, talk to the child before leaving for the hospital. But if he is sleeping and there is no need to wake him up, just leave him a note.

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• Brothers and sisters: why so much enmity?

• If the first-born comes to your hospital, do not rush to immediately introduce him to the baby. Let him first feel comfortable, for this, let him tell how he is doing, what important and interesting things happened to him while you were not at home. It will be much easier for a child to understand that you really missed him if you meet him with open arms, and not with a baby in your arms.
• A newborn always gets a lot of gifts, and few people remember the eldest child on this day. Believe me, he will be very pleased to find a little surprise. You can even say that it is from his brother / sister – this can contribute to their good relationship.
• Answer your child’s questions clearly and honestly, avoiding unnecessary details.
• So that the child does not have a desire to take the baby in his arms when no one is around, it is better not to forbid him to do this in your presence and not to say “Do not touch him / her.”
• Before you start feeding your baby, you should make sure that the older child is busy with something, and put food and drink next to him. Waiting for mom to take care of the younger one, and then immediately declaring unbearable hunger and thirst, is one of the typical ways to attract attention.

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• Has my rivalry with siblings gone?

• Try to make the child feel the interest and sympathy of the brother / sister. For example, in his presence the baby will smile, say: “Look how he / she smiles at you!” It will be much easier for the elder to become attached to the younger if he feels welcome by the company.
• Try to continue to do with the first child everything that you did before the birth of the second child. You can combine communication with both at once: for example, feed the baby and talk with the elder. Or arrange feeding not at home, but in the garden, while the elder plays in the fresh air. Or not in the room, but in the bathroom while he splashes. This is how you let him know that you are still there and that you are still interested in his life.
• A dad can help the firstborn not only feel loved and irreplaceable, but also enjoy the privileges of the elder: for example, allowing him to go to bed a little later than usual. You should not justify the increased attention to the baby with the fact that “well, you are now an adult” – this can make the child think that it would be better if he remained small and in need of constant care.
• It will take several weeks for the older child to get used to the younger one. And even if it takes 70% of your time to help him with this, it’s worth it. Only in this way will jealousy weaken and make room for the development of good relationships between children.

See more at Online портала Rational Emotional Education.