After the birth of their first child, mom and dad already have some parenting experience. Their pair relationship has experienced a shake-up, the family system has already stabilized. But everyone is waiting for change again — mom is pregnant with the second. How to prepare for a joyful event yourself and, most importantly, how to prepare an older child? Olympic figure skating champion Tatyana Volosozhar talks about her experience.
With the advent of the first child, our life has changed dramatically. Everything is aimed at our daughter — at her upbringing, her entertainment and education. And soon we will have a son — and we are all preparing for new changes. And if Maxim (Maxim Trankov, Tatiana’s husband. — Ed.) and I can think over and talk about some moments, plans, then I’m preparing Lika gradually.
While I’m worried about how Angelica and her brother will interact, how she will accept a new member of our family. They will have a difference of 4 years — just like my older sister and I have. This is a very important example for me, because my sister and I have been friends since childhood. And still, despite the distance, she is my best friend.
Before my 12 years, we generally had a complete idyll. Then interests diverged a little — she was still already 16 — but we still maintained a warm relationship. In fact, I think the fact that we began to live in different cities played a big role. They missed each other, tried to support each other in their endeavors: she me — in figure skating, I her — in dancing.
So in matters of upbringing, for the most part, I will probably consult with my mother — after all, she managed to make friends with my sister so much! Of course, there is a difference: when two girls are friends — this is one thing, and now we will have a boy and a girl — this, I feel, will be a much more exciting adventure. And Maxim and I are preparing for this — we are talking with Lika, telling her how good it is to have a brother.
It’s great when older children themselves want to help, participate in the upbringing of the younger ones.
Now I see how her attitude to what is happening is changing, despite the fact that she wanted a sister. She is already waiting for the baby to be born. If earlier Lika’s favorite toys were only dogs and some kind of “educators”, now she has begun to play with dolls more. When we talk about the future, she says that I will change her brother’s diapers, and she will feed. And I’m glad that she had such thoughts and feelings.
My mother told me: once my sister, then still quite small, swaddled me as best she could, and brought out an “envelope” for her. It’s great when older children themselves want to help, participate in the upbringing of the younger ones. So I, of course, will tell and show everything to Lika. But I don’t want to overload her with this too much, because she should have her own interests in life.
I am absolutely sure of Maxim’s help: he is such a “daddy-daddy” for Angelica, and for his son, of course, he will be the same. In the first year after the appearance of my daughter, I wanted to be with her more myself. And now I’m even more pleased to know that they are good together. Especially since I can then make time for myself.
Of course, after the birth of our daughter, we had to rebuild not only work processes, but also personal ones. And if earlier Maxim and I could be together 24 hours a day, then with the advent of Lika we spend less time alone with each other.
It was then that I realized how much Maxim is “my” person, what a good partner he is, how much he supports me. Max has always been a sympathetic person, and as a father, he shows himself only on the positive side. Family comes first for both of us.
There are different situations. I know stories of husbands pulling away, not understanding how they can help, or not wanting to do so. This is not about my Max. He fully participates in education, takes on a lot both in terms of entertainment and in everyday routine.
I can call myself a “controller”: I need to be aware of everything. But when I’m not at home, I have no doubt that Angelica is in good hands, because she is there with her grandmother and dad, but we are always in touch. I always know where my daughter is and how she feels.
I remember that Max and I went as guests to the Olympics in South Korea and left Lika for the first time — she was at home under the supervision of grandmothers. And, of course, it was during these days that she fell ill. I have never been so worried as I was at that time!
Gradually, I realized that sometimes it is necessary to let go of the situation. It is necessary to abandon hyper-custody, because it is impossible to foresee everything and prevent everything. Moreover, it is useful for children to learn independence. Yes, and I myself want to work, I want to be an active mother, and not sit near the nursery, listening to the rustles. So far it works.
It seems to me that he, as a man, will be pleased to teach his son something, to pass something on to him
I am glad that Maxim and I can work, realize ourselves, that I do not sit at home, that I feel needed and important, teaching figure skating to children.
My husband and I have similar values, and we bring them to our family. Therefore, there are few contradictions between us. Of course, we cannot do without some small conflicts, we both have difficult characters. But it seems to me that you can always find a solution, somehow get out of any situation.
Now, with the advent of the second child, of course, some moments will have to be rebuilt again. We will look for a nanny, because we want to free grandmothers from educational functions and let them enjoy life.
Angelica is absolutely daddy’s daughter, he absolutely does not know how to be strict with her. I don’t know what will happen to the boy. But, it seems to me, he, as a man, will be pleased to teach his son something, to pass something on to him.