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There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked by other people. However, for some, this desire is too great: they are ready to please others, sacrificing what is important for their own well-being.
Here are five signs that your desire to please others is becoming excessive.
1. You never say no.
If you say “yes” to any request made to you, it means that most likely you are forced to say “no” to something important to you personally.
You take on whatever is asked of you, depriving yourself of the opportunity to spend time with your family. Or hesitating to turn down a neighbor’s invitation to visit, even though you miss a workout at the gym because of it.
What to do? If you are used to answering “yes” automatically, try saying the following instead: “I need to think, I will answer a little later.” This way you will have a little time to think about what you really planned and wanted to do, and not make a promise right away.
2. You have a hard time making decisions.
The habit of answering what others want to hear from you in response will sooner or later affect your ability to make decisions.
Everything from a new pair of shoes to the choice of food for dinner will be difficult if for a long time you put the opinions of others first, and not your own.
What to do? Be more attentive to your own impressions, preferences and what you, on the contrary, do not like. What exactly gives you real pleasure, brings peace and satisfaction, or invigorates and sharpens the taste for life? Gradually, it will be easier for you to listen to yourself and understand your needs and desires.
3. You try not to ask for help.
It is often difficult for people who help others without fail to ask for help for themselves. If you find it difficult to turn to others with any request, you are losing another valuable life resource.
What to do? Set a goal for yourself: at least once a day, turn to someone with a request, even the most insignificant one. Let a colleague bring you something from a cafe where he is going to a meeting, or someone from the household will walk the dog instead of you. Over time, it will become easier for you to ask others for help.
4. You don’t live up to your values.
If all your energy is spent on not disappointing others and doing what is expected of you at any time, this means that you are not living in accordance with your values. For example, you enjoy spending the weekend with your kids, but at the same time, your friends are constantly asking you for one favor or another. If you cannot refuse them, there is a risk that you will never have the strength to do what you need yourself. Remember, there are only 24 hours in a day, and you need to invest time in what is of value to you.
What to do? Analyze what you spend most of your time on and whether you have enough energy for what is truly important to you. If not, try to set small goals and tasks for yourself that will bring you closer to living life in accordance with your values.
5. You can’t set boundaries.
Failure to set boundaries (for example, not being able to say no to a friend who constantly asks for a loan, or being afraid to let your mother-in-law/mother-in-law know that you should not interfere in your marriage) does not lead to anything good. By allowing other people to violate your personal space, sooner or later you will feel how resentment against them grows in your soul.
What to do? Do not let others use you and go beyond certain limits. Accept that sometimes your attitude can piss someone off. But fear not: as a rule, such small conflicts are exhausted as quickly as they arise. Over time, you will find that standing up for your rights and boundaries is not as scary as you thought.
It is impossible to feel strong and satisfied with life when all your energy goes into pleasing others. But the good news is that you don’t need other people’s permission to start taking care of yourself and listening to your needs.