Contents
Children who have experienced psychological abuse from their parents carry a burden of uncertainty, responsibility and guilt all their lives. The first step to deliverance is to admit that it really happened, then the wounds will begin to heal. We understand what problems in life the children of toxic parents have to cope with.
Once you decided to cut off all ties with relatives, because you were tired of suffering and realized that you were ready to say “Enough!”, Because you need to take care of yourself. It may have been the hardest decision of my life. And yet this is the best thing you can do for your own well-being. You yourself know that toxic parents have always done more harm than good.
You probably have to face a lot of difficulties. The constant struggle for a place under the sun paints the world black. Surviving in such a family means constantly suppressing resentment, grief and anger. This does not pass without consequences. Most likely, you will have to deal with the following problems.
1. Anxiety
Children of toxic parents often experience anxiety. The reasons are different. For example, they were forbidden to go out with friends and go on holidays, or very much of what was considered normal for their peers was banned. These are the sources of current anxiety. A Ben-Gurion University study found that the majority of adults prone to anxiety grew up in dysfunctional and toxic families.
“Children who are not allowed to do, try, learn, overcome, fail, often feel helpless and inadequate. They become so overwhelmed by the control of perpetually frightened parents that they become the same, ”writes psychotherapist Susan Forward in the book Toxic Parents.
2. Difficulties in interacting with people and showing feelings
Kisses, hugs, sensual relationships – children involuntarily resist any physical or emotional rapprochement. It’s not that you don’t want to, but it’s still a burden. It is very difficult to open up to people because you cannot trust them and are afraid that you will be hurt again. Children from toxic families are ashamed of their relatives in front of friends, they do not invite anyone to their place, because they do not want everyone to know how bad and uncomfortable it is at home.
“Many grown-up children of such parents are embarrassed to talk about love, they don’t know what it should be. Their parents treated them disgustingly in the name of love. In their view, love is constant unrest and suffering, a shameful and often painful feeling to which one must sacrifice oneself, ”comments Susan Forward.
3. Alertness and doubts about the correctness of perception
In toxic families, children are often reproached and punished undeservedly. They put up with punishments and even think that they got it for the cause, although in most cases they are not to blame. Parents were cruel and showered with insults, distorted reality and did not let you figure out where the truth is and where the lie is, and gradually you stopped believing in feelings and emotions, doubted the correctness of perception. This is called “gaslighting” – the most dangerous form of psychological abuse.
If you have experienced this, you are not alone. The first step to healing is to admit that you have experienced emotional abuse and understand why. Be ready to accept that you were hurt, then the wounds will gradually heal.