Sometimes for the sake of a loved one, we are capable of anything. But what if a man requires us to give up what is dear to us and do what he needs? Our readers spoke about the strange and sometimes alarming demands that their partners put forward.
Sometimes the beliefs of one partner greatly complicate the life of the other. But women often do more than simply face the idiosyncrasies or whims of their man. They seem to be trying to own and manage, as if they are unreasonable children or things owned by a partner.
Our readers shared their stories about the prohibitions and restrictions they faced in a love relationship.
“My husband does not want me to wear transparent clothes, stay late after work, go to fitness, shave my body hair, cut my hair short, get piercings and tattoos, communicate with my best guy friend, give gifts and arrange holidays (except for the standard feast). And he is against the fact that the dog slept on our sofa. And for me, that’s the worst.”
“I could not argue with his parents and other relatives and criticize them – neither in the eyes, nor behind their backs. My husband also forbade me to tell his father and mother that I did not want children.
“The lover did not allow me to change the password on the phone – he could push, hit, break the mobile for this. He did not allow to communicate with his friends without him, to sleep with him on the same bed, to hug him, to criticize him in any form. He also forbade me some feelings – for example, anger, sadness. So he said: “You feel wrong.” Forbade in bed and at home to refuse what I didn’t like to do, and simply ignored my arguments … “
“I had a man who forbade me to linger after work (he checked by the hour, knowing that I was at the office until 18:30 and still needed an hour for the road). And he demanded not to devote more time to my son from his first marriage than to him.
“The guy forbids talking on the phone in private. You need to turn on the speakerphone so that he can hear what it is about.
“My husband forbade me to communicate with men, chat with them on social networks, go for a walk after 23.00, go to psychology courses, wear inappropriate clothes, eat after 19 (“so as not to get fat”), drink more than 2 glasses, smoke, communicate with some girlfriends, visit women’s forums, go to bars, linger at the institute, change the password on the phone, post photos he doesn’t like on social networks, wear more than 3 earrings.
“The man forbade me to move during sex. I had to just lie silently, it was impossible to move, touch him or make sounds. If I tried to do it, he looked at me with disgust and said: “You ruin everything.” It wasn’t until after the breakup that it dawned on me that it was actually very strange.”
“The man demanded that I take off the piercing, and sometimes asked if I wanted to remove the tattoos. It was impossible to make new ones, although before we began to live together, my tattoos seemed very exotic and attractive to him.
“I love going to bed early. My husband is very unhappy with this, and from Friday to Sunday he generally forbids doing this before him.
“My husband forbade wearing trousers, jeans and shorts in public, you could only wear skirts and dresses.”
“My husband conjured never to show him again with curlers on his head … He was frightened at night when he saw me in the form of Freken Bock.”
“The partner forbade wearing leggings (“they are too sexy”) and flared jeans (“they are asexual”). It was also forbidden to buy clothes in blue, lilac or pink colors – because these are “too girlish” shades. After parting with him, I bought several T-shirts in these colors and I go to them with pleasure.
Where is the line where a request becomes a demand, and a little oddity becomes a warning sign of abuse in a relationship? There is no universal formula. An important guideline can be your feeling of discomfort next to your partner, anxiety or a constant sense of threat.
If it seems to you that the situation is not normal for you, it most likely does not seem to you. And then it is very important to find the strength to talk with someone who can provide support – with relatives or friends, with a psychotherapist or an employee of a foundation that supports women in difficult situations.
Information about abusive relationships can also be found in the articles on our website.
