The life of a parent is full of fears and anxieties. We notice the slightest alarming bells and paint ourselves terrible pictures of the future of children. Psychologist Carla Naumburg explains why we shouldn’t worry though.
I love airports. Endless lines, transfers and flight delays rarely annoy me — I’m just happy to be there. I love to sit and watch people pass by. Looking at their travel bags, eavesdropping on their conversations, wondering why traveling in ten-centimeter heels. When I get tired of all this, I go for a walk around the terminals, sometimes stopping for coffee or buying a magazine that I would never buy at home. The point is not what I do, but where I am.
I have loved airports since childhood. Her parents were divorced and lived two states apart. I often traveled without adults at an age when most children learn to read. Before you grab your heart, I will add that my older sister was with me.
The airport was a place of respite and relaxation. It allowed me to move between two very different homes and families. Parents were not happy with the fact that the youngest daughter was traveling by plane without supervision. They had no idea how these hours spent at the airport would help me in my adult life.
I remembered this yesterday when I finished reading the book Captain Underpants with the children. At the end of the book, author Dev Pilkey tells how he came up with his half-naked hero. He was eight years old and had trouble at school. He invented the Captain when he was left after school as a punishment.
I’m sure the parents were quite upset by Dev’s behavior. They hardly consoled themselves with the thought that their troubled son would grow up and become a best-selling author that would be made into a cute animated film.
Of course, not every problem child in the future will sign a contract with a film studio. But the bottom line is, you never know what’s in store for your kids.
Raising children is an adventure, and it doesn’t matter what class you fly in.
You can feel like a bad parent when you give an attention-deficit disorder pill to a constantly distracted fourth grader. But what are your options? Maybe these pills you’re so worried about will one day help your son graduate from medical school.
On the other hand, you could spend hundreds of dollars on swimming lessons and end up with your son avoiding swimming pools for most of his adult life, not to mention competing. Perhaps if you had not insisted on piano lessons and agreed to vocals, your daughter would have grown up to be the new Idina Menzel.
I’m not trying to scare you, quite the contrary. I just want to say that there is no need to worry so much. Yes, we as parents are programmed to experience, and yet do your best to refuse it. How your child’s life turns out doesn’t depend on how many parenting books you read, or how your career develops or what you yourself managed to achieve. And it is impossible to predict what your difficult family situation will result in: for example, your child’s strange love for airports.
So forget about the fact that you have to pave the perfect path to the future for children. This won’t happen. It’s just not in your power, because life is too unpredictable. Better try to make the most of what you have. Remember to praise yourself when things are going great, and try not to worry when things go wrong. Do whatever it takes to take care of yourself.
The only thing you can know for sure is that raising children is still an adventure, and it does not matter at all what class you are flying.
About the Author: Carla Naumburg is a psychologist, social worker, and author of Being a Parent in the Present: How to Focus on What Matters Most.