It’s easy to doubt yourself if your personal life doesn’t add up. When every relationship ends, and not on your initiative. However, any failure can be turned into a victory, says psychologist Nikki Martinez.
My patients often report that they feel like failures after failures on the personal front, especially if this is not the first time this has happened. It seems to them that the breakup of relationships is proof of their inferiority. They begin to believe that there is nothing to love them for and there are no more chances for happiness in their personal lives.
Long-term relationships become an important part of a person’s identity — he invests a lot of time and effort into them. Some try to fix everything: they go to family psychologists, change their behavior to please their partner. But they still break up. This is especially hard to bear when it comes to marriage. But failure in a relationship does not make us failures.
Nobody’s perfect. Everyone has shortcomings that it would not hurt to correct. But if you’ve really tried to build a relationship, appreciate the effort you put in, even if it didn’t work out in the end.
Sometimes relationships aren’t meant to be, no matter what we do. Sometimes there are too many difficulties to overcome successfully. It is not uncommon for couples to go to a family therapist and hope that he will help solve problems and save the relationship. But this is not always possible. Many families get divorced, remarriages even more often.
Couples who come to therapists are already at risk, otherwise they would not have a reason to see a specialist. But in this way they demonstrate the desire to save the family. Unfortunately, this does not give guarantees — often the result is a divorce. In this case, the therapist can support the partners and help them disperse peacefully. This is especially important if the couple has children.
Failure is an opportunity to rethink what we want and don’t want in a relationship.
What causes relationships to fall apart? Treason, the fading of love, many years of mutual misunderstanding, constant stress. It is up to you to turn this failure into personal success.
There are lessons to be learned from relationships that will help in the future. A failed outcome is an opportunity to rethink what we want and don’t want in a relationship, how much we’ve grown and changed, how much our needs have changed. Especially after a long relationship, we often realize that we now have other priorities and desires.
Many get used to seeing themselves as only one of a couple — they have not had the opportunity to truly know themselves as a separate person, gain strength and confidence. It is important for such people to live alone for some time and get to know themselves.
Breaking up provides opportunities for growth and development. This is the perfect time to work on your shortcomings. Develop self-confidence and inner peace, and you will become much more attractive to potential partners. It is easy for others to pick up on the strength or weakness within us.
If we radiate inner strength, it immediately puts us in a better position. When we are confident and love ourselves, we are more willing to express our own thoughts and ideas. We openly ask for what we want. And it is easier for us to establish open communication with a new partner.
Breakups hurt. But you can consider them as an opportunity to learn something and grow as a person. And you can become a better person and partner and be not a loser, but a winner.