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We especially need self-confidence when we face uncertainty and limitations on the path to our goals and desires. Psychologist Maria Bruce talks about how to strengthen faith in one’s own strengths.
1 step. Understand relationships with parents
We all come from childhood, and our problems, most likely, came from there. Even if you deny it or think that you have dealt with them a long time ago, I recommend paying attention to your relationship with your parents. Not only to improve communication. Consciously working on your communication will help you overcome the programs laid down at an early age. Perhaps they are preventing you from living the way you want.
2 step. Heal the inner child
Often inside of us, despite the fact that we are already adults, lives a little unloved child who needs support. The main person who can give this support, recognition and acceptance is yourself. It is necessary to independently heal the inner child and become a support for yourself, find and open the inner source of love. Don’t try to deserve and fit in: try to love yourself.
3 step. Stop comparing yourself to others
The habit of comparing oneself is usually associated with the desire for development. Looking at others, we feel uncomfortable, comparison gives us an incentive to prove and become better. On the one hand, this is good, but on the other hand, we often believe that we are not good enough, that we need to become better. Such a race eventually leads to moral exhaustion. A person does not feel happy, even if he has achieved something, because he did it out of a desire to prove something to someone.
First of all, pay attention to your inner state, your aspirations: what do I really want? Do I really need this? To do this, you need to learn to hear yourself, as often as possible “turn on” the state of inner silence, for example, with the help of meditation.
4 step. Manage external and internal states
We cannot afford what we dream of on the inner level and, as a result, we cannot do it on the outer level. How does it manifest itself?
inner level
For example, you go into an expensive boutique, restaurant, hotel and feel awkward, vulnerable. It seems to you that the sales assistant is much higher in status than you; that the waiter will understand that you do not have enough money to pay for a full meal. Perhaps this is true, but even if so, it’s all about your inner state. It should not depend on the amount in your wallet or card. The more confident we are, the sooner we can afford something new.
We are often afraid to ask for a higher salary, open a business, reach a new level, cooperate with a large company, because we feel unworthy, and this is a betrayal and depreciation of ourselves. Therefore, you should periodically go to those places that you cannot afford, work with discomfort and awkwardness through self-acceptance and self-love.
External level
We are surrounded by hundreds of possibilities. The question is what exactly do you allow yourself and what not. Often we ourselves block our impulses and desires, and we need to work with these blocks. For example, find 3-5 false statements that you use in your life. For example, the idea that money is hard to earn. Now imagine that they already exist and there are enough of them. Try to “embed” prosperity in your own reality and worldview, to believe that sometimes money comes easily and unexpectedly. According to this scheme, you can work with any beliefs that are imposed on us from the outside and do not always reflect reality.
5 step. Thank and praise yourself
Keep a gratitude journal. Tell yourself why you are great today. And for 40 days — about how long a habit is formed — write gratitude in a diary.
6 step. Work on yourself and your fears
Work through your fears, blocks and limitations. After all, we somehow have to do what we are afraid of, what is unusual for us. When we are faced with something that we think we are not worthy of, we become afraid. Try to catch this state: follow your breathing, heartbeat, switch your attention to the “here and now”. Then it will be much easier for you to track your emotions. Yes, the knees are shaking, the voice is trembling, but you should not get hung up on this.
Our fears live in our heads, and learning to manage them is a matter of habit. By doing this, we will be able to reach heights that we could not even dream of before.