«You are my!» What to do if you are the owner

Relationships with loved ones are often overshadowed by such unpleasant feelings as insecurity and fear. They are associated with low self-esteem and past negative experiences. For example, the boy’s parents divorced, and as an adult he is afraid of repeating this story in his family. He follows his wife and torments her with jealousy.

In childhood, each of us developed a certain strategy of behavior in case of unpleasant situations. Unconsciously, we apply these behaviors in adult life.

The parents of a little girl are talking among themselves, but they do not pay attention to her. She starts stamping her feet, screaming and falling to the floor. The girl grows up, and when it seems to her that the partner communicates little with her and thinks about something of her own, she tries to control the situation, trying to attract his attention in all possible ways.

Behavior patterns and defensive responses formed in childhood harm adult relationships. Here are seven steps that will help break down childhood stereotypes and build trust with your partner.

1. STRENGTHEN YOUR FEELING OF VALUE

If self-doubt is at the heart of possessive behavior, you need to fight the inner voice that tries to reinforce the lack of self-confidence. Realize that you are valuable in yourself, regardless of how others treat you. You are strong and capable of much. Even if your assumptions come true and it turns out that your partner is deceiving you, life will not end.

2.RESIST OUTJEALY FLASHES AND AUTHORITARY BEHAVIOR

Otherwise, you risk pushing your partner away. No matter how much you worry, try not to put pressure on him. Ignore the inner voice that teaches you to punish your partner for your anxiety: “He came home from work too late for you to be happy with him. Don’t talk to him — let him know how to linger.»

3. REALIZE THESE FEELINGS ARE FROM THE PAST

Your anxiety will not go away on its own. We need to understand where it came from. What is happening now is the trigger of old pain. If you seek to control your partner and want to completely possess him, delve into the past. This is how you get to know the real you. Sometimes it’s hard to find what defines destructive behavior. In this case, psychotherapy is needed, which will help to realize the source of uncertainty.

4. FIND WAYS TO MANAGE YOUR ANXIETY

A good effect is given by various meditation and breathing practices that teach you to deal with toxic thoughts and feelings and not let them control your behavior.

5. STOP LISTENING TO YOUR INNER CRITIC

The critic who lives inside feeds us toxic thoughts: “Maybe she is cheating on you”, “Who will need you?”, “Looks like he wants to leave you.” Because of it, we experience anxiety and demonstrate possessive behavior.

6. INVEST IN YOUR LIFE

This is the most important step. Focus on your life, not your partner’s. Ask yourself: “What would I really like to do? What pleases and inspires me the most? By starting to do what is necessary and interesting for you, you can accept the fact that you and your partner are not one, but adults, independent people who love each other.

7. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER LIKE A GREAT PERSON

Talk about your fears, insecurities, and desire to be in control. Let this be the first step towards establishing trust between you.