Yakov Kochetkov: “We need to feel that we can influence what is happening”

General excitement is fueled by TV reports, news feeds on social networks. At the same time, some of us experience an upsurge of patriotic feelings, joy from the upcoming changes, from the fact that the country has set in motion, a common cause has appeared. Others have predominant emotions – anxiety, impotence, indignation, anger. The difficulty is that these feelings seem to be “locked”: you personally can hardly change anything, but you are not able to ignore what is happening. About how we (regardless of political views) can take care of ourselves in this difficult time, says psychologist Yakov Kochetkov.

“First of all, it is important to understand what is happening now: because of the powerful official propaganda, it is difficult to figure out where the truth is. If we talk about the situation in Ukraine, then opposite points of view collide on the Web, and each of them is confirmed by the corresponding video sequence. Therefore, some accept the official point of view without criticism, while others completely disagree with it. This is where the black and white factor comes into play. But there are also those who find themselves in a state that psychologists call “learned helplessness.”

Don’t give up looking for information. In experiments with animals, “learned helplessness” arises as follows: once in a maze, the animal receives an electric shock. The blows are repeated wherever it goes, right or left. And the animal freezes in place, refuses to move even after all partitions are removed from the labyrinth and you can safely go in any direction. Approximately the same thing happens to our brain when conflicting information affects us from all sides. There is a feeling of unreality of what is happening: everything is not what it seems. Many simply refuse to have their own point of view, because there is no truth, it is useless to look for it, there is nothing to think about. But such a state is dangerous for our psychological well-being, because we need to feel that we can influence what happens. And it is important to feel it, even if in reality it is not so! The subjective feeling of powerlessness is one of the strongest sources of stress. So look for new information.

Form your own opinion. Choose the information that you consider the most reliable – and correct it, if necessary, if new information appears. We can change our point of view and are not obliged to adhere to it once and for all. But the search for information should not become dependent on different opinions.

Read more:

• Are we sick of the news?

Don’t get involved in the information war. If we spend whole days on the Internet, reading the news and discussing them, this does not contribute at all to developing our beliefs. Rather, this is how we cultivate our anger, irritation and anxiety. It’s as if we suddenly found ourselves in a crowd of screaming, angry people. How long would we be able to remain calm and not get infected by the general mood?

Spend as little time as possible in a hostile environment. Each of us has a need for security and a benevolent, predictable attitude towards ourselves. Therefore, you should not voluntarily “place” yourself in an aggressive environment. This does not mean that you need to observe unshakable calmness and composure. There are feelings that are inevitable in the current conditions – it is important to understand and accept this. It would be wrong to think that when there is a threat of hostilities, when most of the relatives, colleagues, and friends around us are alarmed, we will be joyful and cheerful all the time. So there is no need to be afraid of your anxiety. However, it is useful to distinguish between realistic and unrealistic anxiety.

Don’t brush aside your fears and concerns, consider them and evaluate them according to the degree of probability. Consider your possible actions. For example, what are the realistic chances that I could lose my job due to the economic situation? What can I do to prevent this from happening? If you have assessed the loss of your job as probable, where and how, with whose help you can find another job. Or: if you were planning to spend a vacation in the Crimea, and now you are afraid to go there, what other options do you have.

Read more:

• Face your own fear: report from the training

Reassure others, especially your loved ones, is one of the most effective ways to calm yourself down.

Try to understand the reasons why other people think and act differently.than you. When we stop seeing others as people by labeling them, what psychologist Viktor Frankl called “dehumanization” occurs, when the other person loses his human appearance and becomes the target of rage. But belittling human dignity in another, we thereby belittle it in ourselves. By refusing to see a person with different views as an enemy, we reduce the risk of being manipulated.

Look for balance between awareness and detachment. Social psychologists know that a society can unite against an external enemy to increase cohesion. This is especially true for people with low self-esteem: on my own, I mean little, but together we are strong, we can win. But such a position is extremely unfavorable for the development of one’s own personality, since, merging with the mass, a person becomes part of it and loses himself. In this case, not having his own guidelines, he is completely dependent on the external environment: today “ours” won – I’m happy, tomorrow they lost – and I feel that I myself am no good. The tension that accumulates in a person due to some of his own unresolved problems, as well as unconscious aggression that cannot be expressed within the group (for example, if it is impossible to protest against the authorities, because it is not safe), can be directed in the other direction – to the image of the enemy. To manage our thoughts and feelings on our own, not to become an object of propaganda or a victim of our own emotions, a balance between awareness and detachment will help us: we can develop our own point of view on what is happening, express our attitude towards it. But at the same time remember about your own life and other interests.