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Change a profession, adopt a child, go abroad to learn a language… Probably, each of us has our own aspirations, goals, or at least vague desires to do something, change, correct. Why do these intentions and reality often do not find common ground?
Each of us takes some steps to improve life. Some are ready for radical changes, but do not understand where to start and in which direction to move. Others are more pessimistic about getting out of their comfort zone. But they also set themselves some tasks: to improve their health, make a career and gain financial stability, give their child a good education.
Regardless of what you’re aiming for, try not to make one or more common mistakes along the way. Psychotherapist Amy Morin lists eight pitfalls that get in the way of achieving your goals and suggests strategies to help you avoid them.
1. You put off the goal for “someday”
For “someday” there was no place on the calendar. You will never achieve your goals if you keep putting off your goal indefinitely. There is no point in having the best intentions without a clear plan.
Decision: if the goal is really important to you, set a deadline. If you can’t get started right away, at least set a specific time when you can get started. Whether you intend to ask for a raise because your child is in school, or you plan to get a second education when you turn 40, stop using the word “someday.”
2. You wait until you feel ready.
If you are waiting for a moment of insight to take on a difficult task, you will probably have to wait a very long time. It is unlikely that a surge of inspiration will arise by itself out of nowhere.
Decision: change the behavior first. Quite often, appetite comes with eating. Start acting – and soon you will feel a real excitement that will help you move on.
3. You underestimate the complexity
If you’re dreaming of getting out of debt or hoping to lose weight, understand that the road ahead is not easy. Setting “it’s not a problem at all!” can prevent you from properly tuning in, gathering your will into a fist and being patient. Some days and weeks will be especially difficult, and it is important to anticipate and accept these long difficulties.
Decision: Instead of telling yourself that the problem is easy to fix, remind yourself that you will have to work hard to achieve your goals. Imagine the potential pitfalls you might face. Sooner or later, the temptation will inevitably arise to give up and give up. Come up with strategies to help you resist. When we have a plan, we feel more confident and determined to go towards the goal.
4. You see mistakes as failure.
Development rarely goes in a straight line, steadily and from the bottom up. It would seem that this is obvious. Yet some of us are convinced that by taking a step back or slowing down, they are back to where they started. And this feeling makes them give up.
Decision: admit that you will sometimes make mistakes and mess things up. But instead of declaring yourself a failure, use that energy of anger and frustration to figure out how to get back on track.
5. You don’t give priority to your goal.
It’s easy to say, “I want to change this situation.” To realize this desire in practice is much more difficult. You will have to prioritize and act in that order. Otherwise, your intention will quickly get lost among other daily activities.
Decision: outline a specific step, a simple action that you are going to do every day, and mark it on your calendar. You’re more likely to hit the gym, submit a resume, or spend an hour researching a new business idea if you set a specific time for it.
6. You give up before you see results.
Impatience is the enemy of change. For many, waiting is too hard, they lack perseverance and perseverance to bring things to at least some point.
Decision: if you do not see results, it does not mean that the efforts are in vain. This means you need to focus on your task and not be distracted for longer than you think before you feel a noticeable change.
7. You deliberately delay before the finish line
Fear of success can be a real problem. Have you noticed that you sabotage your own plan before you reach your goal? Perhaps you don’t believe you deserve success, or you’re afraid someone will take it away from you.
Decision: think about past goals that you struggled to achieve or never managed to achieve. Be honest with yourself, listen to your feelings, and be on the lookout for warning signs that you are ready to give up.
8. You raise the bar too high.
If you are determined to change your life, it may be tempting to set the bar very high. But the desire to take on too much in a very short time dooms you to failure.
Decision: too global a task may be insurmountable. Set short-term goals and take small steps to mark each milestone along the way.
About the Author: Amy Morin is a social worker, psychotherapist, and author of 13 Things Mentally Healthy People Never Do.