And again, a topic actively discussed by forum visitors: what to give preference to – the long-awaited “dream job” or a relationship with a “real man”? We deal with family psychotherapist Tatyana Potemkina.
The experiences that we experience when we have to choose something are obvious, understandable and understandable. Still would! Choice is always change, it is always responsibility. Choosing one thing, we worry about losing the other. At the moment of choice, anxiety is inevitable – it is a mobilization mechanism that helps a person cope with the unknown.
When it comes to choices in such significant areas of life as family, personal life and work, professional growth, our confusion can be especially long. In this case, there is often a feeling that our whole future life depends on how we act now.
Read more:
- Are we free in our choice?
This fatal perception of the situation is influenced by the rules and attitudes of the family in which we were brought up, as well as the times during which we grew up. It’s no secret that the numerous painful changes and frustrations that accompanied Russian families in the 90s and early 2000s led to the fact that work, career, stable income became a symbol of security. Meanwhile, a career, a profession is something that largely depends on the person himself. If earlier a person received a specialty and worked in a chosen field all his life, now it has become practically the norm to change three or four professions, to make several careers during his life.
For girls, there is another source of tension. It is a socially approved attitude that a girl should get married, have children, and the right age for this is usually up to thirty years.
The thought that time is running out (time pressure!) and another chance is unlikely to present itself also increases anxiety, paralyzes decision making. Meanwhile, global practice shows that the creation of a family, strong relationships is increasingly shifting towards a more mature age. First marriages and the birth of children after 35 and even 40 years become normal.
Read more:
- “Our relationship with time determines whether we will be happy”
The author of the topic is concerned that by her 27 years she has not yet made a decent career, from her point of view, and she is just developing a real relationship. But the relationship, according to the author, is under threat due to the departure from St. Petersburg to study / work in Moscow. And although, judging by the words of our heroine, the choice has already been made, she is still in a state of anxiety.
In what, from my point of view, does the heroine act reasonably?
- She collected enough information on professional growth opportunities in St. Petersburg.
- I chose a field of activity and found opportunities for training / work, although in Moscow (many residents of St. Petersburg go to work in Moscow, and spend weekends in their hometown).
- I discussed with my partner in detail their future life “in two houses”, enlisted his support.
- And, most importantly, she took responsibility for her choice.
And even if something goes wrong, as we would like, every new day will give her (like all of us) a new opportunity for change.
Pass the tests
- Is your union durable?
- What is your main talent at work?
- How do you manage your time?