Work and life: in search of balance

“Do you understand the implications this could have on your career?” — 37-year-old Alla, a woman with a strong character, a leading banking specialist and mother of two children, incredibly surprised and even angered her boss. She refused to head one of the newly opened branches of the bank. Before making a decision, Alla seriously weighed all the pros and cons.

“I realized that neither a salary increase, nor a more prestigious position, nor new opportunities could compensate for the balance that I had been seeking for years in order to build a normal, humanly comfortable life for myself and my family. A new business is a new responsibility and new duties that will inevitably require personal sacrifice and effort from me. I don’t want them today.”

Alla understands that she is taking risks: refusing a promotion may close her future prospects.

The cult of work

Alla’s choice today is not the most popular, but not the only one. On the one hand, we want to develop, confidently climb the career ladder and achieve high positions. On the other hand, having achieved certain results, we begin to understand that we do not want the work to swallow us whole. So what place in life is really worth taking to work?

“Previously, the social stereotype “work is necessary” almost always came into conflict with the dream of a favorite pastime,” says psychotherapist Alexander Orlov. – People “pulled the strap”, dreaming of finally doing what they really love in retirement. Now this attitude is weakening: if a person is not in extreme financial circumstances, he thinks more about what is more interesting for him to do, he can choose a job more freely and even change his profession.

According to VTsIOM data, today 79% of working Russians are satisfied with their jobs. But if at the beginning of a career young people are especially interested in a high level of salary, then with the accumulation of experience we attach importance to other criteria: whether we are fascinated by work; Are we comfortable where we spend most of our time? Is it possible to fully relax, take care of yourself and loved ones?

This way of framing the question is relatively new: previous generations did not have the opportunity to aspire to the standard of living (and achieve it through hard work) that is available to us now. Then it was believed that selfless work can not contradict the inner well-being of a person. Quite the contrary: only self-sacrifice can be a guarantee of a happy life.

Of course, the realities and slogans of those years are a thing of the past. Who among us today can argue that, giving all his strength to his career, he does not sacrifice something important for himself personally?

In the logic of change

Attitude towards work began to change rapidly with the end of the Soviet era. “By discovering new ways to make a better life for myself, I put a lot of energy and health into my business,” recalls Vadim, 43, the owner of a thriving repair company. “But last year, when I was in a hospital bed, I thought: is the growth rate of this business worth my heart attack?”

The default of 1998 clearly introduced what unemployment is. How many people who gave themselves to work were laid off or laid off.

“For no one who worked then, this time was not in vain,” says Irina Skityaeva, head of the personnel management department of the AFS Publishing House. — And today people mostly look for work in stable companies. Applicants often ask when the enterprise was formed, how it survived the crisis, whether those who worked were kept.

However, there were also those who drew other conclusions from the default. “When our department was liquidated at the organization where my husband and I worked, I suddenly realized that I simply couldn’t anymore … or didn’t want to look for a job in my specialty again,” says Veronika, 46, a former chemist. – My husband had offers, but after discussing everything, we decided to just leave the city. Today we have our own large farm in the Voronezh region. Now we live calmer and, I think, much happier.”

How women look for balance

The wave of change touched them in a special way. “Women have always worked in our country,” says Irina Skityaeva. – Perhaps, only in the late 90s it was fashionable to do housework, to stay at home with children. But today society dictates strict norms: in order to be considered successful, a woman must combine at least four things: work, children, hobbies and study to improve her skills. Note: a harmonious family life is not included in this list.

At first, many are not afraid of such requirements: young active women with high ambitions and a good education, on an equal footing with men, make a career, not shying away from a 12-hour working day, or from the need to spend weekends in the office or participate in meetings scheduled for nine in the evening.

But after living in this mode for several years, some begin to ask themselves questions. “I worked like a man possessed, even on vacation – if I took it – I could not disconnect from thoughts about clients, budgets and business plans,” recalls 38-year-old Marina. “My career was growing, earnings too, but one fine day, realizing that I would soon be “over 30”, I was afraid that I simply would not have time to start a family.”

Marina got married, left her job for a while, gave birth to a child. Today she heads a large division of her corporation … and she sorely lacks time to communicate with her daughter and husband.

“I love my profession and I understand that I probably could not live without it,” she admits. “But I would give dearly for the opportunity to work, say, part-time. Unfortunately, for positions of my level, this is unrealistic. And I don’t know if I can call my personal life as successful as my career.”

“It is often women who refuse higher salaries and greater responsibility, preferring stability and regular working hours,” says Irina Skityaeva. “Otherwise, they have to become regular customers of agencies for finding nannies and housekeepers. In such a situation, everyone has to make a choice, and it is far from always obvious.”

Conscious Choice

“Modern society is constantly forcing people to exceed themselves and their capabilities in order to stay on the crest of success,” says Francoise Dany, lecturer in the basics of human resource management at the Lyon School of Management (France). – Hence the incredible psychological burden associated with work: you need to be efficient, follow the wayward labor market, make and maintain contacts. It is not surprising that in such tense conditions, a person wants a full-fledged personal life to be on the other side of the scale.

So what do we really want? If the goals of “work less” and “live better” seem difficult to reconcile, it is always in our power to reconsider, determine our personal priorities and, abandoning the less important, if not completely necessary, make a conscious choice.

“We feel the fullness of life when we do what we like and are interested in,” says existential psychotherapist Marina Khazanova. — Behind “likes” are our values. For “interesting” – our inclinations, thirst for creativity and knowledge. These are the opportunities that are given to us by nature, fate.

The world has a lot to share with us. Everything we need is within and around us. But often we do not see this and live in captivity of stereotypes. We need to find support in ourselves in order to flexibly interact with the world and the people who surround us.”