Each of us, regardless of age, status and opportunities, happened to find ourselves in situations where everything falls out of our hands and no matter what we do, things do not move forward. The support of loved ones does not always help. They sincerely want to cheer us up: “You must get ready!”; “After all, you always coped with everything!”; «Come on, it’s just nonsense — with your energy and resourcefulness!». And it makes us feel worse. But why?
When someone turns to our inner reserves, invites us to remember that we are successful, energetic, capable of a lot, this, contrary to expectations, drives us even further into a corner. The fact is that in difficult moments of life we don’t remember, we don’t feel the way we really are.
A person in a difficult situation understands that others expect something very specific from him, but, being unable to fulfill these requirements, he begins to doubt himself, involuntarily afraid to disappoint his loved ones, and therefore forces himself to conform to their ideas about himself. .
To do this, he encourages himself in every possible way, while he needs strength for something completely different — for reflection, a new look at himself, independent decisions, unusual actions and deeds. In addition, his self-confidence also suffers: “There was no need to even try, this project needs a completely different person!”; “Come on, this computer science, I have absolutely no abilities for it.”
In a difficult situation, it is better to forget about what other people expect from us and think for ourselves.
But how do you cheer up a loved one? The main thing is not to put pressure on him with your expectations: uncertainty about how others will react to what he does makes it difficult to concentrate and act in the right direction. It is much more important to show that, despite the difficult situation, our attitude towards him has not changed, that we appreciate and respect him, as before.
If we want to emphasize that he always succeeds, it is better to give a concrete example from the past: “Remember how you liked your performance? But then it seemed that no one would appreciate it! It is also useful to express your view of the situation: perhaps it is really so complex that it is quite natural to get lost in it.
Or give an example from your own life, which makes it clear that in such circumstances, everyone experiences difficulties: “How many nerves it took when I was appointed to this position!” And of course, in addition to words of support, it is good to offer real help — from the most elementary (preparing dinner) to essential — to help write a report or deal with a control.