Threats don’t make you wiser!
Even if the threats of “less” or loss of love from parents, of abandonment, seem effective as the anguish they arouse is unbearable for the child, they are far from being good weapons to comply. Babe. Clearly, when, at the end of our tether, we let go in Pitchoun, “If you don’t come, I’m leaving without you” , either he does not believe us and the remark is useless, or he believes this lie which awakens in him an anxiety of abandonment, latent, painful and which is likely to last. Hard, hard, then, when you drop Baby off at the nursery!
Also avoid threats of the type, “If you do it again you will see …” (he will start over, just to see!), “When Papa comes home, things will heat up!” “ (it is better to give the punishment immediately: the father will appreciate not playing the bad role when he comes home), “This stupidity, I am not ready to forget it! “ (scaring him will not prevent him from starting over). Instead, deal with problems now and don’t hesitate to clearly express your dissatisfaction:“I’m very angry because you made a big mistake, but I’m sure you will try not to do it again” . It is a good way to establish a relationship of trust with your child …
Overprotection, disempowerment = an uninsured baby
“If you do that, here’s the terrible thing that will happen …” . Even though it is motivated by the fear that something bad might happen and the desire to ward off danger, this statement has a very negative effect. She acts a bit like a scarecrow to curb Baby in his desire for exploration. It’s the same when, in kindergarten, you shout “Don’t climb the slide on your own, you’ll fall!” “ : you scare your mini-acrobat and slow him down in his desire to progress.
While explaining the danger to him (it’s slippery, it’s high …), rather, accompany him in his peregrinations and « positivez » : “You haven’t done this before but it’s a good idea to try.” I will help you and stay by your side. There is nothing to be afraid of “ . Pitchoun is comforted in his initiative and, in addition, you give him the means to overcome his fear! And since now you have all the cards in your hand to make your little one a child who “dares”, try (all things considered, of course!) Not to decide too much for him. The “You have to eat everything”, “If I tell you that, it’s for your own good” ou “Me, in your place …” impose on Baby what to do and think, without further explanation. However, rather than brutally forcing him to behave (which he will hasten to refuse!), better to consider him as a responsible person and capable of dialogue by always explaining your position. And even more if it is firm and final!
The right attitude : Jules wants to have a violent cartoon on TV and you don’t agree. If you say so, “No, I don’t want you to watch. And that’s all ! “ , Jules will moan, stomp his feet, sulk or have a big whim. But if you explain, “I understand that you want to see this film but I know that it is very violent and that some images may shock you. That’s why I don’t want you to look at it ” , you take the trouble to explain your position, you consider him to be able to understand your reasons. Obviously, Jules will still not agree but he will not be able to really rebel against this arbitrary decision.