wonderful anger

Anger is a wonderful feeling that a person needs. Unfortunately, anger in our world has turned out to be branded as a “bad” emotion — because it provokes aggressive behavior, feeds aggression.

The problem with anger is that this emotion is aimed at destroying the situation. Its function is to give energy in order to destroy something, break it, blow it up — and thereby make changes. Of course, this can be quite dangerous, so civilization has developed ways to curb anger.

For example, you can turn anger into resentment — not so destructive and dangerous. Or even direct anger at the person himself, transforming it into a sense of guilt. Yes, you destroy yourself with resentment and guilt, but it is safe for others. People who don’t get angry at anyone (or rather, don’t express anger) are very comfortable.

However, such handling of one’s anger leads to one important consequence: this is a step towards the formation of a dependent personality. If you are unable to get angry with someone or, angry, quickly hide your anger (God forbid he/she sees and feels!) — you are dependent on this person.

Anger destroys, but if the value of connection with someone (“the force of attraction”) exceeds the value of our own freedom (“the force of repulsion”), we will not be able to refuse the connection. People suffering from unrequited neurotic love-addiction cannot take and send far away «beloved ones» who reject their feelings over and over again.

The horror of breaking the connection is so strong that it is easier to fall into a feeling of your own insignificance, to think that he/she is beautiful, and you are simply unworthy/unworthy (that is, we turn anger against ourselves). After all, if you get angry and «send» — you can lose the contact that you value so much.

It is easier to idealize and cling to an illusion. For example, suppress anger even before you realize it, or be aware, but not express it in any way — and, thus, choke and poison yourself with it. I often come across a situation where financially dependent children/spouses are overwhelmed with rage against their parents/partners, but they cannot express it directly — they are afraid of losing their livelihood.

There is one important point here. You can just get angry and do nothing, and then there is a physically felt intoxication from anger. And you can feel anger and direct it into action. For example, throw forces to overcome financial dependence.

The alternative is to become a victim. The state of the victim is extremely aggressive and embittered, but passive. The victim experiences a lot of anger, but does not direct it into his own action. She encourages others to act.

Anger is the initial stage of getting out of addiction (of any nature — love, financial). If a person clearly feels it, this is already the first step. Getting angry at the “tenderly loved one” is important.

«How can you be angry with him!» exclaim a romantic girl, brought up in the ideals of selflessness and sacrificial love, even if this love is unrequited and lasts for the third year already. She suffers quietly, and declares (even in an empty apartment): “Go to hell, since you don’t care about my feelings!” — can not. That’s «bad».

«Bad» is not that at all. Anger can be directed to change the situation — and this is its positive aspect. Anger burns fear and shame, removes guilt, removing barriers that stop our movement.

A person squeezed into himself, experiencing himself as worthless or «wrong», that is, being in shame or in a sense of guilt, with the help of anger, can expand, turn around. Danger arises if anger is aimed at changing not the situation, but the person.

«I’m fed up with this situation in our relationship!» — energy goes to the situation. «You got me with your bitchiness!» — per person. I beat, crush, destroy and suppress a person … The question is not anger as such, but where we direct this anger, and how we express it.

The ability to send a situation or even some people to hell (without trying to change these people) is a very important ability. However, this is only the first step.

I don’t like to get angry. I love to feel anger and transform it into action for change. «Evil» people, on the other hand, stop only at the experience of anger. They don’t transform anything, they just destroy.

PS I almost forgot: a simple passive splashing of anger — with fists into the pillow or screams somewhere in an open field — does not transform the situation and therefore does not help, it only gives a temporary release of steam. This is passive anger. The evil of the victim.