The writer Nadira Angel has written a poignant column about women who are so easily injured in passing. And it’s so easy not to do it: you just need to show a little respect.
a lot of responses. In our soul – too.
“Here is a woman, she is 30, no children. People ask: “How, do you still have no children?” She smiles tightly every time. “No, not yet,” she says. “What are you waiting for? The clock is ticking, ”she hears again. The woman is holding her face. And left alone, she cries.
Cries because she was pregnant four times and had a miscarriage every time. Cries because she has been trying to get pregnant since her wedding night, which was already five years ago. Cries because her husband’s ex-wife was able to give birth to his children.
Cries because she desperately wants to try IVF, but she has no money for it. She is crying because she has already made several IVF attempts, but nothing came of it. Cries because her best friend refused to become a surrogate mother for her. “This is crazy,” she said.
Cries because she has to take drugs that cause infertility. Cries because childlessness is destroying her marriage. She’s crying because the doctor said she’s okay, but deep down she knows it’s her. She cries because her husband blames himself and guilt does not allow him to live a normal life.
Cries because all her sisters have children. Cries because one of her sisters no longer wants to have children. Cries because her best friend is pregnant. Cries because she was invited to the next party in honor of the unborn baby. She cries because her mother constantly asks: “My girl, well, what are you still waiting for?” Cries because her husband’s parents dream of becoming grandparents.
Cries because her neighbors have twins and their parents have nothing to do with them. Crying because 16-year-olds get pregnant so easy. She cries because she is a wonderful aunt and her nephews just adore her. Cries because she has already chosen names for her future children. Cries because there is an empty children’s room in her house.
Cries because her body is a barren flower. Cries because she could give so much to her child. Crying because her husband would be a wonderful father. She cries because she would be a wonderful mother, but she will never become one.
And this is a 34-year-old mother of five children. People say to her, “Five? Oh God, are you all right at all? ” And every time this woman smiles shyly in response to such “funny” comments, and when she is alone, she also cries.
She cries because she is pregnant again, but she has to hide this joy in order to avoid another tactless reaction. She cries because she always dreamed of having many children, like her grandmother, and does not understand why everyone around her is looking at her with condemnation. She cries because she was the only child in the family and always wanted to have many brothers and sisters. She cries because she adores her children and cannot imagine her life without them, and friends and acquaintances treat them as punishment.
She cries because she doesn’t want to be pitied. She cries because people think that children are not what she would like. Cries because they believe she is just irresponsible. She cries because everyone thinks that she is just hiding that everything is so. Cries because she is misunderstood. Cries because she has to defend her choice.
She cries because she and her husband are quite capable of supporting the family, but no one takes it into account. Cries because she is tired of “funny” comments. Cries because she is minding her own business. Cries because she does not want to be judged for having many children. She cries because sometimes she doubts herself and wonders if she shouldn’t have stopped “two children back.” Screams because people love to criticize, but they never offer to help. Cries because her life is not a reality show. Cries because people are rude. Cries because everyone seems to have an opinion about her love life. Cries because all she wants is to live in peace.
And here is another woman in her 40s with only one child. People say to her: “How, just one? You didn’t want to give birth yet? ” She restrainedly replies that she is happy with one child. Every now and again. Very believable. And no one would suspect that she was crying too.
Because the birth of her only child was a miracle. Because her son is constantly asking for a brother or sister. Because I always wanted at least three. Cries because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life. Because her doctor said the second child was too much of a risk. Cries because she is trying her best to take care of her first child. She cries because sometimes she feels like she can do it for two.
Cries because her husband doesn’t even want to think about the second. Cries because her husband died and she has been single since then. Cries because her family is sure that one is enough. Cries because she is too busy with her career and cannot give up everything.
Cries because she feels selfish. Because she still hasn’t been able to lose weight after her first pregnancy. Because she had severe postpartum depression. She cries because she cannot survive all this again.
Cries because she was always full, and pregnancy made her even more fat. Cries because she is still struggling with bulimia. Cries because she had to have stomach surgery. She cries because she wants another child, but she can’t give birth anymore.
These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, sisters, colleagues. They don’t need our advice or opinions. Let’s respect this.