“What to do in those cases when a woman motivates a man to develop, motivates, motivates, he develops, achieves something, and then just leaves, what is the mistake?”
I have a very short answer to this question: girls, do not flatter yourself that your man has developed, achieved something, thanks to you. It is not true. Because the truth is the following — you either did not interfere with him, which is already good, or he did something, developed at his own pace and according to his ambitions, regardless of your itching, whining and reproaches that this should be done faster and more efficiently.
I repeat once again — in order to motivate someone, you need to be in terms of development higher than the one you motivate. You need to be more collected, smarter, more far-sighted, more self-possessed, with a stronger strong-willed core, you need to understand the patterns of communication and influence. See →
Do you often observe such qualities in women? If they are, then this woman is Indira Gandhi herself. And she will be married to the person who does not need to be motivated.
A man does not need to be motivated, because you do not know how to do it — through the word to carry out the development of another person! The man can help! As, for example, Gala helped Salvador Dali or Margarita Konenkova to her husband, the famous sculptor Sergei Konenkov.
These women were producers for their husbands. They established a wide circle of communication through which the husbands received orders, they better understood the market conditions and advised the husbands how to present themselves to the public, how to present their creativity. They did not motivate anyone for anything, they worked in the same team, and when the husbands got tired, then for some time they could only drag this team on themselves. And that was support. Good tangible support! Yes, they could, if necessary, give their husbands a good shake. But this is also not motivation, but support — in the form of a cold shower.
Why don’t I call a cold shower motivation? Because the husband himself needed a cold shower, and the wife only fulfilled his desire. She helped him to plunge into the place where he himself is ready to plunge, in order to finally get on his feet, when he suddenly stumbled and «lay down on the floor.»
If a man does not need, that is, is not ready for a «cold shower», then all female shaking to a man will be like a dead poultice. Why shake an empty jar? Before you shake it, you need to put something in it.
And, if nothing is supposed to be in a man, then nothing can be shaken out of him.
But hundreds of women continue to hope that any fool can be shocked, motivated, and he will become smart. This is a very common glitch. And the second glitch: «a man, thanks to me, became president.» If a man, thanks to you, and not just «next to you», became president, then he will never leave you. He will always be interested in you! If you motivated him, that is, you saw further, more, more clearly, then you were always superior in development to him. And here there is only such an ambush — you may get tired of communicating with a man whose intelligence is weaker than yours, and you can leave him. If you are nearby and dreaming how to get him off the couch, it only means that you can, even less than he does.
And if you can do a lot, then you have long since gotten off the skate of your husband’s motivation, got up from the sofa yourself, and you yourself do a lot in your life! And your man will either pull himself up behind you, or you will be deeply indifferent to what the subject spreading on the asphalt is doing there.
You will not be up to it! You will have too many interesting things in life!
So my advice is: girls, take care of yourself! Motivate yourself, develop yourself! The world around you will change, and in this world, men will not leave you. And if you part with your man, who, quite possibly, can be a very worthy person, but you have developed differently for the next twenty or thirty years, your paths have diverged … then, no problem, a man will still appear next to you who will be of interest to you and who will be of interest to you. But this will only happen if you were very interested in something in life, you were on fire with something, you became a pro in some matter, an ace. If you were actively interested in life, if you became a lively and bright interlocutor, able to convey your experience, your enthusiasm, your energy. See →
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.