Many women are tormented by the painful choice between family and work: whether to devote themselves to children or to achieve professional success? How to combine all the tasks, interests and needs, having time to pay attention to yourself and your household? Is it true that modern society demands too much from women?
We decided to discuss these issues with Daria Stakhovskaya, psychologist, founder and leader of the project . Daria has been successfully developing her own business for 15 years, practicing as a coach and psychologist. Business needs and people’s problems are part of what she works with.
— Daria, often, when women decide to devote their time to family and children, they seem to feel obliged to sacrifice their professional fulfillment. What do you think it is connected with?
— Often this feeling is associated with the illusion imposed by society that if a woman has a job, a career, a favorite thing, then her family will be abandoned and deprived of attention and care. Many still believe that a woman who actively allocates time and energy for self-development takes it away from her husband and children. Accordingly, many mothers really face a choice: work or family, without even suspecting that these areas can be competently and fully combined.
— But such a combination will certainly require much more internal and external resources? Is it justified? Wouldn’t it be easier to really choose one role and give all your attention to it?
— Total commitment to family affairs also has its drawbacks in the long run. A mother who has no experience of self-realization outside the family can form in children the image of a woman who performs only two social roles: mother and wife.
The daughters of such mothers may find it difficult to be professionally realized, or they will feel guilty towards their mother for their career. Sons, on the other hand, may have problems choosing a partner: either they will be drawn to hyper-independent women with strong leadership inclinations, or they will strive to “fit” their women in the image and likeness of their mother. Both options can often lead to conflicts in the family.
On the other hand, when a woman has at least a small, but her own income, when she is successful in her professional activities, she is a living (and most important) example of self-sufficiency and self-realization for her children. I want to be like such a mother, she reveals different sides of a developed mature personality and for a long time retains her authority in the eyes of children.
— And how does a woman’s desire to grow and develop affect her relationship with her husband? Will he feel neglected and deprived?
— On the contrary, the union of two strong and developing partners is always more stable than a pair of leader and follower. When a wife is completely focused on everyday life, on the well-being of her husband and children, she can lose the strength of her personality, and men feel this very much.
In addition, if a financial crisis occurs in the family, then a woman who does not have her own sphere of employment, her own income and interests, can destructively increase her husband’s fears and anxieties. A woman realized in the professional sphere, on the contrary, in moments of crisis will become a psychological support for her husband, will be able to support him with her own experience and confidence.
— It turns out that all women must certainly build a career or run their own business?
— No I do not think so. On the I always say that every woman should strive not for a career, but for self-realization. She needs to find an application for her abilities, in business or creativity — it doesn’t matter so much.
My courses are aimed at revealing the potential of every woman to the fullest, giving her inner support and self-confidence. True growing up and finding one’s own personality helps to remove psychological blocks, raise the standard of living, form a stream of income … And, most importantly, feel confident that a realized wife and mother can give herself and her family much more.