Women about men: what not to do and say

– Sometimes after work I walk myself like a dog to be at least a little alone, because at home my wife takes up all the space.

Why does he get so mad when I try to help him?

– In the evening, between me and my wife are her many hours of ranting, which I want to put out the door.

– I do not understand him! He sometimes turns into a deaf man!

These are just four phrases that describe relationships with those who can be both the most beloved and dear, and the most unbearable.

Men and women in an effort to understand each other are doomed to failure. We are completely different. Wise nature, foreseeing a continuous series of disagreements, gave us different bodies, so that the external difference would remind us of the differences in everything else. We speak, we feel, we think, we are silent, we act, we recover in different ways. We even want or don’t want something, we dream and get disappointed in different ways.

In an effort to show love, we communicate with others the way we would like to be communicated with us. When we show in relation to a partner all the best of what we would like to experience in relation to ourselves, instead of gratitude, we risk receiving resistance, and then a portion of disappointment. We cannot understand someone who is naturally different, but we can find out what exactly helps us build harmonious relationships.

For example, when listening to a woman’s verbal outpourings, men often think, “How can I help her?” He has no idea that a woman doesn’t need help when she speaks out. She just needs to share her feelings, along the way getting hugs and kisses, that’s all. She does not need any solutions, but it is them that many men consider a necessary attribute of help. They, offering their “forget”, “do not pay attention”, “you need to rest”, are convinced that they are doing the best for their woman. Men may not even realize that she does not need it at all.

What is important to know and remember about men?

• Neither man nor woman can read minds, so be direct about your expectations. If you want something, you need to ask for it. In the case when a woman does not ask for support, the man concludes that everything suits her anyway.
• Male behavior during falling in love is often restrained. He will not talk incessantly, enthusiastically give advice about hats and the fat content of meat. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
• It is important for him to be accepted as he is, to be appreciated, trusted, admired, approved and encouraged, so that he can trust a woman and be emotionally safe with her. You want the same from him, right?
• If you want to help achieve more, leave any attempts to remake it, help with advice and participation.
• Achievements are important for him: results give confidence and motivate him to great victories. But you need to achieve results yourself, without resorting to outside help and without following the advice. He doesn’t like being given advice he didn’t ask for. He takes them as an insult. At the same time, women are more likely to offer care and help as naturally as a cup of tea.
• Men do not like to be prompted, when they are pulled and corrected. As long as he does not ask for help and support, you do not need to offer..
• Many men do not tend to apologize. This means for them a refusal to recognize their right to do as they see fit, a refusal to be independent.
• He needs to feel needed. He must understand that with him your life is noticeably changing for the better, that he is valued, trusted, trusted, accepted as he is.
• Men, meeting with a problem, sometimes need solitude. Being in peace and quiet helps them find a solution. Silence does not mean that he fell out of love. He needs to be alone and at the same time not apologize for selfishness. Some women do not understand this, because in difficult times they need to speak out, receive sympathy, support. All this they rush to give to a man when they see him upset. Such care is perceived as a noose, because a man wants to be left alone. By the way, this is exactly what he does when he sees a woman upset: he gives her what he considers the best. Partners perceive this as callousness, indifference and indifference.

Those who believe that tears have a magical effect are right. Seeing them, men often begin to consider themselves inferior, flawed and insignificant types, next to which a woman is unhappy. Believing that something is wrong with him, the man locks up and leaves. Before you shed a tear, especially a manipulative one, be prepared to get a man’s defensive reaction, but not his sympathy. It is important for your gentleman not to feel like a source of troubles and tears.

Forbidden phrases

• You should spend more time with the kids, they get bored.
• You are going very fast, slow down.
• Here’s a parking spot, put it here.
• You want to spend time with your friends, but what about me?
• Don’t put it here or you’ll lose it.
• Mom has already called three times, when will you call her back?

Women use exaggerations and metaphors that men take literally. They respond to them with barbs and the best form of defense, that is, an attack. For example, “always”, “never”, “everything”, “you can’t hear / see / feel at all”, “blind / deaf / mute”.

Avoid the expression: “Could you?”, “Couldn’t you…?”. The man also takes them literally. To your “Couldn’t…” he honestly answers: “I can”, without implying that he will do it. If you need help, say directly: “Do it, please.”

Useful phrases

• This is not your fault.
• I’m glad I can talk to you about this.
• I’m glad I can cry to you, it makes me feel better.
• I spoke out, I felt better, thank you.
• It’s good that I have you.
• You work so hard to provide for us.
• You did/repaired/said so well…

When seeking support, speak briefly and directly, discussing the situation, talk about feelings, not about him. Replace “You upset me” with “I was upset”, “You offended me” with “I was offended”. And, completing the description of your feelings and emotions, say how you want it to be next time. We often say “I don’t want”, “I don’t like”, while keeping silent about what exactly we want and what we like.

How do women destroy relationships?

The desire to remake, the distribution of advice, criticism, guardianship, control and the desire to do the best, devaluing what he does, reminders of what he does not do.

How do men destroy relationships?

The desire to teach, to tell how to do it, with instructions from the category of “do not worry”. Passive listening, without questions, participation and empathy, ignoring the feelings that a woman shares in a conversation.

What to do?

Men often think silently, women think out loud. When he reflects, any verbal interference is regarded as a doubt in his independence. When a woman thinks aloud, the intervention is perceived as caring, participating, and helping. The strength of a man is consistency, women are much better at multitasking. She can cook dinner, check her homework, talk on the phone, and jot down her to-do list for tomorrow. A man can often only perform one task. If you asked him to help with your son’s homework, don’t throw questions about dinner, don’t ask how the day went, how is mom’s health. The man is consistent: first the lessons, then the rest, point by point.

For a man, there are no boundaries between sympathy and pity, but for a woman, these are two different ways of showing care. Pity devalues ​​a man, she tells a woman about participation. It is important for a man to feel independence and freedom from time to time, therefore sports, hunting and fishing solitudes are natural and important for him. The need to be with a woman and the need to be alone naturally alternate. This is comparable to how the cycles of inspiration and emotional downturns change in a woman.

In a dispute, a man, as a rule, defends freedom, and a woman – the right to be heard. Both partners give each other the love they need. It may not be exactly what a person needs. At the same time, both feel the same thing: “I give everything of myself and receive nothing in return.”

An upset man needs to be alone. A frustrated woman in many cases needs to be listened to. Men experience a surge of energy and motivation when they feel needed, but the feeling of uselessness kills their feelings. Women are elated when they feel that there is someone to take care of them.

I want to remind you that the desire of a woman to do everything herself, to rush to help, is a sure way to “educate” a weak and weak-willed man. Choosing the strategy “I’ll do it myself, I’m so calm”, we limit the man in the manifestation of activity and independence. This behavior has consequences. In order not to be horrified tomorrow: “What happened to him after the wedding?” Think about what you are doing today.