Contents
A long nose, a roundish face, a heavy chin… We do not always manage to be calm about the unloved details of our appearance. Psychotherapist Michel Freud offers some simple exercises to help you come to terms with your appearance.
So nature wanted it, why is not our business, why is it not for us to judge … ”How rarely do we manage to take such a philosophical attitude to our appearance! We look in the mirror meticulously and mercilessly, showing no mercy for the slightest flaws. However, it must be admitted that such a strict view is supported by today’s standards of life in our society, focused on success. We perceive an impeccable appearance as evidence of well-being, and numerous prescriptions for how to look make us constantly be dissatisfied with our own appearance.
This applies to almost everyone – both men and women, and at any age. But there are those among us who see themselves only through the distorted prism of exaggerated shortcomings. In this case, we can talk about dysmorphophobia, a painful conviction in the imaginary shortcomings of your “Body” and fixation on them. American psychologist Kristin Neff notes that we are much more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves*. She finds a cultural and sociological explanation for this fact: condescension and sympathy in modern society are perceived rather as weakness, and self-criticism as one of the ways to achieve success in life.
Read more:
- Given me a body: how men take care of themselves
In fact, we should turn on ourselves the same benevolent look with which we look at our loved ones. This is the best way to help yourself. Treat yourself with motherly love, be more fair to yourself – this can be learned, psychotherapist Michel Freud assures us. You can make peace with your face and body … and finally start to like yourself.
* K. Ne; «Self-Compassion, Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind» (William Morrow, 2011).
Reclaim your face
“Looking in the mirror, I no longer recognize myself in my reflection. My face doesn’t look like me, it’s not me anymore”
We cannot but grieve the appearance of wrinkles, but it is even more difficult to get used to the fact that for some time now the image that appears before us in the mirror has become less and less consistent with our inner self-image. It seems to us that our face no longer reflects our inner essence, does not correspond to our feelings and thoughts. Let’s try to feel it again.
Straightening smile. Sit comfortably in a chair, breathe calmly. Focus all your attention on your face. Inhale through the nose, clench your jaws; exhale and release them. Then inhale through your mouth, articulating the sound “o”, exhale and relax your face. Now inhale, making the sound “and” with your lips. Exhale. Your face is even more relaxed. Gently move your lower jaw to the right and left. Your lips at the same time involuntarily open and close, the tongue is not tense. The lips are also completely relaxed, and a slight smile appears on the face.
Inner Light. Think about your face, about every cell of it, touch it with your fingers as if it were a shrine, as if you had discovered it for yourself for the first time. Slowly tune in to “communicate” with him. Imagine that you are applying your favorite cream with special attention: swipe over each hollow, feel how it gently penetrates into each crease – on the forehead, along the contour of the eyes, at the wings of the nose, around the mouth … Experience the feeling of comfort and pleasure that they bring to you these movements. You feel your skin getting softer, smoother… from within. Now imagine your face and mentally send him a smile. Do the same for each part of it: the forehead, the contours of the eyes, the eyes themselves, lips, cheeks, wrinkles … Each time you inhale and exhale, mentally address them with a radiant smile coming from within and illuminating your entire face. Imagine a halo of soft light around him. It clears up and illuminates. Keep this light in you and remember it every time you look in the mirror.
Live in your body
“I don’t like my body. It is ugly, I feel bad in it. I should go in for sports, but I can’t.”
The less contact we have with our body, the more scathingly we look at it. Such a look, picking out individual fragments, creates a distorted view of the whole. We stop feeling our body, its emotions. The purpose of this exercise, as Michel Freud explains, is to replace “the body we have” with “the body we are”. “To do this, you need to abandon the usual meticulously hostile look at your body – after all, this is not potter’s clay, from which you can sculpt whatever you want! We must first learn to be attentive to what we feel.”
Conscious sensations. “If you establish a close relationship with your body, listen to its signals and messages, take care and care for it, then your perception will change in an amazing way, and the body too,” says Michel Freud. This is an exercise in awareness. Start with the shower: feel the water flowing through the body, caressing and pacifying it. Choose a cream whose texture and smell is very pleasant to you, and massage your body, especially those places that you least like. Pay attention to your movements, sensations and emotions.
Read more:
- Makeup that helps you be yourself
Finding roots. “The stooped back, intertwined arms and legs create the impression of isolation, withdrawal into oneself. Good posture helps us to feel better in our body and gives us a favorable image of ourselves,” notes Michel Freud. Stand up straight, close your eyes, face relaxed, shoulders down. Feet shoulder-width apart, knees not tense and slightly bent. The spine is in a natural position: the chin, solar plexus and lower abdomen are in one line. Fix this position; feel confident and comfortable, feel your fulcrum. With each breath, visualize the beneficial energy rising through your body. As you exhale, try to hold these sensations. Do the exercise regularly (it will take no more than five minutes), and you will feel new strength in yourself.
Dialogue with yourself. Lie down, stretch and relax. Ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?” Listen to your body with each inhalation and exhalation; feel how it lives and moves … And every time note the positive effect: relaxation, a sense of comfort, peace.
Neutralize obsessions
“I can’t stand my long nose… my thighs are too full… Those creepy circles under my eyes…”
The reason for such a fixation on a physical defect in most cases is the suffering experienced in childhood, when the child lacked the loving look of his parents, which instilled confidence in him, Michel Freud explains. Special exercises can help us come to terms with those parts of the body that we hate. But sometimes the degree of dissatisfaction with ourselves is such that it simply does not give us a chance to feel happy. In this case, a conversation with a psychotherapist can help us.
Read more:
- “Our idea of beauty is changing”
benevolent glance. Pick a few photos that you like about yourself. On a piece of paper, draw two columns: “What I like about myself” and “What I don’t like about myself.” Sit down, straighten your back, and think about your lack of appearance (say, the circles under your eyes that upset you so much), and then associate it with what you like about yourself – with the eyes themselves, for example. Think about their color, their shape, touch them (through the eyelids), remember the compliments they were once given. Concentrate and try to feel the pleasant effect that these kind remarks have on you. Fix this sensation in your memory by associating it with some kind of gesture, for example, connecting the tips of your thumb and forefinger. Do this exercise four times in a row. Then again think about your shortcoming and, again squeezing the tips of your thumb and forefinger, recall positive sensations and images to your memory.
Repeat this sequence of actions until you finally stop at the features of your appearance that you like. Now, whenever you remember your shortcoming, it will be enough for you to squeeze the tips of your thumb and forefinger, and details that please you will appear in your imagination.
Read more:
- Views that transform us
Turn on the interior light
“I feel insecure in public … It seems to me that they are not interested in me and I don’t attract them at all … You can’t say about me: this is a person …”
“She enters, and everything seems to light up”, “he exudes goodwill” … Some people really radiate a special light that is noticeable on their faces, felt in their gait and attracts glances. To achieve such an infectious sense of inner well-being, one must begin with taking care of one’s appearance and especially one’s bodily behavior. “People who are self-confident, hold themselves upright, carry their heads high, smile and look the interlocutor in the eyes. Why not adopt this manner? Michel Freud suggests. You can think of those of your acquaintances whose free and confident manner of bearing you admire, and imitate them.
creative visualization. Imagine, as if in a movie, a situation where someone looks at you with admiration and compliments you. Then imagine everyone else joining in and adding something different (keep doing the exercise even if it confuses you and makes you feel uncomfortable). Consider this scene carefully. Play this movie for yourself regularly in order to experience all the sensations associated with it again and again.
Inner Journey. Sit comfortably, close your eyes. Take a few very deep breaths in and out; let your body relax completely. Linger on this pleasant feeling. Now imagine a journey within yourself, during which you can reach the source of what you will call “radiance.” It can take on any form – be a cascade of light, warm rays of the sun – the main thing is that it must inspire complete confidence in you, since it is your own inner radiance. Submit to it, follow it, to feel the energy that comes from you and illuminates your entire being. Take a deep, deep breath and feel it even more. From now on, whenever you need to “shine”, it is enough to remember and apply deep breathing, instilling confidence and energy.