«Without a brain, there is no pleasure»

“Where is pleasure born: in the body or in the brain? The human brain has special departments responsible for pleasure — what is called the pleasure center or the reward center. When exposed to this center, the neurotransmitter dopamine is released, which is responsible for the feeling of pleasure. It turns out that without a brain there is no pleasure!

However, it is worth considering that the brain alone is not capable of much: it must interact with the body in order to activate these centers of pleasure — or, conversely, grief. And, more importantly, it is from the interaction of the body with the outside world, in other words, from the information that the body sends to the brain, that our own perception of pleasure is born. However, the same sensory information will trigger memories that will please one person while leaving another indifferent. Of course, we are born with a brain programmed millions of years ago to perceive pleasant and unpleasant sensations, and nothing can be done about it, but on the scale of one lifetime, personal experience can transform our feelings, giving them shades inherent only to us.

• Are you your brain?

Two stories, two proofs

«These words changed my life»

“I never liked frank words,” says 42-year-old Irina. – They have something dirty, something from porn. At the age of thirty, I read two or three books that described the world of male fantasies, all this was not for me. And four years ago I met Luka. It was love at first sight… like a lightning strike! In one of the first meetings, when we made love, he whispered these obscene words to me — very quietly and modestly. And it didn’t shock me, but it turned my life upside down. It was as if he had opened the door for me to something very intimate about him that he himself found difficult to tame and even acknowledge. At first I listened to him and pretended not to hear. But we both knew that these words existed between us and participated in our interaction and in the pleasure we received from them. Gradually, he began to whisper them not so quietly, and I decided to answer him, little by little and not necessarily in words. It took us a while to confidently step into this new territory. Say it louder, eye to eye. Play, laugh, try — and push the boundaries. And also write to each other words of desire and pleasure, sometimes very specific and very frank. The effect was electric and immediate! I am surprised, I enjoy this heat and unexplored horizons that these words have opened in me. Now this is the territory of our game, just for the two of us, a beautiful space of freedom, secret and precious, with exceptional power. Even irresistible.»

• What do our tendernesses say

“If I tell him about this, it will upset him and unpleasantly surprise him”

“In general, I prefer to act rather than talk,” says 55-year-old Frank. — Sex is, first of all, something that can be seen, experienced, shared with someone, and it is not necessary to discuss it for a long time. This has always been enough for me — until the moment I met Leonid, a very subtle, prudent and modest man, and I fell in love with him almost against my will. In sex, he is the same as in life: simple and without much fantasies. It was really too much for me, but I thought that if I told him about it, it would offend him, upset him and unpleasantly strike him. Worse, I’m kind of questioning his whole identity, and I think it could completely ruin our relationship. My previous lover was a carrier of the AIDS virus, and this significantly complicated our relationship: I wanted open, easy and playful sex, and his condition made this impossible. When I talked to him about it, he was terribly offended. I do not want this to happen again with Leonid, and therefore I am silent. Which does not prevent us from moving very slowly towards small “innovations”, which are always supported not only by conversations. This path requires tenderness, subtlety, the ability to feel shades. This upsets me, and sometimes a lot, I would like to allow myself to tell him that sex, even dirty, is beautiful and good. I don’t think he would understand it; the most I happen to do is tease him for it from time to time. Leonid gradually understands one thing or the other, and I do not lose hope that little by little I will make him a big gourmet in sex. In anticipation of this, I discover how much he knows how to love, it’s amazing. And I admire how simply he gives himself, needing only the words “I love you” for this.