I want to touch here on a delicate situation that happens in families. And it happens often. I can’t speak about statistics, but I heard a similar complaint from three men I knew (and in one case, it was for this reason that the family fell apart, and with dire consequences for everyone).
In addition, if we have a dime a dozen different psychologists, then I have not heard of good sexologists in Moscow, there is even no one to recommend.
Below is a retelling of a letter from a psychological forum.
“I have a problem – my wife refuses to have sex. We haven’t had anything for six months. We have three children, and I love children, and I work a lot for them. And I do everything at home, I cannot be reproached for not helping my wife. I do not want to get divorced and marry again, because my family, my children will stay here with my mother. I don’t want to start over. I can’t have a mistress either (I don’t want to waste time, resources). My wife says that she no longer desires me, and without desire she will not. What to do?»
It is clear that there may be a variety of reasons, and you need to dig deep. But now my task is to model the conversation that a man must start if he wants to improve the situation. If a man sees the situation through the eyes of his beloved, takes into account her interests and chooses words that are close to her, his wife will be grateful, and they will be together and happy.
For starters, what NOT worth doing during conversation. You should not say that you will soon have a mistress (lover), because you cannot live without sex, you should not glue diagnoses and accuse you of frigidity, it is pointless to insist on marital debt (“I have the right, and you must!”) And set conditions counterproductively (“ where there is sex, there is money” or “where there is money, there is sex”)…
What option is possible?
Darling, I’m sad without you, but I love you. Now is not the best page in our relationship, but I want you to know: you are the most dear person to me, and I am happy that we are together.
You and I have a broken sex life, and this is also my fault. You are now very tired, I have not helped you much lately, and our children demand full attention. You have to forget about your interests, and when a fourth one appears to our three children, who also demands something (I mean to myself) — yes, I understand you, I don’t want anything anymore.
However, try to understand me. You are beautiful, you are desirable, and when there is no intimacy between us, it is very hard for me. The truth is very hard. My mood deteriorates, especially when you avoid even my touches or set conditions: “Okay, but tomorrow you take your child to kindergarten!”. What are you talking about! Of course I will, you can always tell me about it. I love you. And I love our children.
So it’s not the case. I want to be with you and I want to have a beloved woman, and you have a beloved man. There is a proposal to meet on neutral territory, for example, in a cafe, and discuss all issues there. I ask you for this. I take care of all organizational issues, we will take the children to your parents — they are always happy about it, I have a bouquet of flowers and a list of cafes from which you will choose what you like.
Yes, and in any case, I promise that at least two nights a week I’m ready to take over the laying of the children, stop computer games and help you with the shops. I am ready to take care of you again, as once, and I want to win you over. I love you.
Flowers are on the table!
What will be your positive answer?
Love, kiss, your husband.
The expectation is that the wife’s mood will change, resentment or fatigue will step aside, and the meeting in the cafe will take place. In a cafe, take care of your beloved (I hope this skill is still preserved), and in the process of talking on a napkin write: “Darling, I want you. On what terms?» — after which the subject conversation will begin. I hope you know how to negotiate, there will be no accusations between you and you will agree on all issues. By the way, if suddenly you behaved nicely, caringly and warmly, and the wife is all gloomy and dissatisfied, the question of sex or others is not resolved, then inform her about the future divorce. Because if a normal man behaves properly, his woman should respect him.
â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹â €‹ â € ‹