You loved him more than anything else, you devoted your whole life to him, giving the best. But he did not understand, did not appreciate and tries to be different from you. Who is to blame and what to do, our expert, psychologist and mother of many children, Larisa Surkova, will tell you.
“I put my whole life on it to give a happy childhood. She quit her job, drove to circles, to theaters. At least once I said thank you! No, he left for a rented apartment as soon as he turned 18, and now he calls once a month. “
“When my husband left me and my daughters, I worked for two, I collapsed from fatigue. She was called in marriage, did not go, she was afraid that her stepfather would not be accepted. And what’s the use? Daughters are already going to the registry office in the second round, they do not think about their children. And advice is only brushed aside. “
Indeed, what an injustice – you are trying for them, you are killing your youth, and they don’t hang a medal with the title “Mother of the Century” around your neck, but do not appreciate it at all! For example, most of my acquaintances deliberately try to raise children according to principles directly opposite to those by which they themselves were raised by their parents. How should one act so that for advice the teenager goes not to dubious friends and not to Uncle Stepa from the next doorway, but to you? How to build relationships in the house, so that one day the child would say: “I want me to have the same friendly family as my parents”? The psychologist and mother of five children Larisa Surkova answered these questions.
There is a wonderful saying: “Don’t bring up your children, they will still grow up just like you. Educate yourself. ” Are you hanging out on social networks day and night, and the kid is playing cubes nearby? Please note – he is fascinated not only with cubes, he observes and remembers everything he sees. Soon you will want to talk to him, and he will say: “Do not distract, I have not passed the level yet.” You plow for a penny in an office that you curse? Try to prove to your child that you need to be a successful person and do what you love!
During pregnancy, try to evaluate yourself and your behavior. Consider your social role – is it authoritative? It is advisable to put things in order in your own head before the child is born, although it is never too late to do this.
Everyone has disagreements in the family, but it’s one thing to put the children to bed and quietly discuss problems over a cup of tea, and it’s another thing to run after your husband with a frying pan throughout the apartment. Parents for a child are support and protection. When a mother is hysterical, throwing dishes, she shows emotional immaturity, puts herself on a par with children. The child feels this and ceases to perceive her as a smarter and stronger person.
“It would be better if my parents divorced when I was little,” says Alena. – They did it anyway when I graduated from school. They were waiting, they wanted me to grow up in a complete family. But why all this when I remember only their tears and fights?
If the relationship has turned into a war, from which there is no way out, think about whether it is worth living together. Sometimes, after a divorce, spouses become good friends.
When raising children, be consistent. They said that today there are no cartoons – keep your word and do not succumb to the provocations of the child, even if he cries or looks at you through the eyes of a cat from “Shrek”. Otherwise, the child will think: “Yeah, he can be manipulated.” And vice versa – they promised to give the dog, if he finishes the quarter with excellent marks, do not give up your words. When raising children, parents and other relatives should “blow the same tune” so that there is no such situation: mom forbids chocolate, and dad and grandmother secretly allow children to eat a couple of bars.
A child is also a person, only small. It is important to remember this when you answer his questions and objections in the following spirit: “As I said, it will be so!”, “As you grow up, you will understand!”, “Why, why? And therefore! “. You need to talk with children as with adults, explaining your thoughts and actions.
Try to always act in the best interests of your child and talk to him about it. Even the unpleasant things that he doesn’t like belong to this rule. So you say: “It may seem to you that I am doing this in vain, but it is actually in your interests, because …”
Yes, you are of different generations, but there is no need to build a wall because of the age difference. Imagine that a 12-year-old son comes to you and starts talking with enthusiasm about some modern musical group. What will you do? Will you say that you have no time, or ask, is this grinding called music? The child will either be offended or think that you are behind the times and there is nothing to talk about with you. Words like this will not instill good taste in a teenager, but humiliate and insult. A wise parent will say, “Come on. play me a couple of songs! Hmm … Quite an eccentric group, but there is something in it. Do you want me to turn on Aria for you? I was just a fan of them in my youth, I ran to concerts and grew my hair. “
And now let’s return to the question why children don’t appreciate it when we devote our lives to them, quit our jobs, don’t get divorced and don’t get married again, and instead of a new dress for ourselves we buy them one hundred and first toy. Authority is an example, looking at which one wants to say: “I want to be the same! I want to live the same life! ” Would your daughter want to look like a fat, unkempt woman in worn jeans? Will the child want the fate of his father – always tired, dissatisfied and scolding the bosses? For children to appreciate and respect you, love yourself and become a happy person.
It is important to be an interesting person, to develop – only then can the child be proud of you. It is not necessary to get three higher educations or conquer Everest, you can be an interesting housewife if your circle of knowledge is not limited to diapers and women’s forums. Don’t forget to dress up and arrange dates with your husband. Live a fulfilling life.