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Imagine the situation: you are trying to relax and unwind, but at this very moment, stress and negative thoughts begin to overcome you. If you have experienced this, then you are not alone — this is a very common phenomenon, which psychologists call «stress relaxation». What is its nature? And how to deal with it?
This term appeared recently, but studies of «stress relaxation» have been going on for many years. Scientists have found that 30-50% of the population often experience signs of stress, such as heart palpitations and sweating, precisely in those moments when they are trying to rest and relax.
If this happens regularly, then we seem to fall into a vicious circle: trying to relax and relieve stress, only provokes even more nervous tension. This can eventually lead to depressive symptoms and even panic attacks.
Of course, not all people are subject to «stress relaxation» — anxious individuals are most vulnerable. But it affects many. Why is this happening and how to overcome this anxiety?
1. You don’t want to admit that you’re stressed out.
Trying to deny the very existence of a problem is a very ineffective tactic for dealing with stress. In the short term, denial can work — sometimes it helps to protect our psyche, for example, after the death of a loved one. But if we begin to deny and hush up everyday problems, then we gradually drive ourselves into a corner.
No matter how much we assure ourselves and others that everything is fine, our body continues to send out stress signals — this is how it encourages us to take action and solve problems. Therefore, if we try to rest and relax instead of dealing with the true causes of stress, this can increase our nervous tension.
What to do?
Realize that symptoms of stress can be helpful. The body uses a variety of physiological responses to communicate to you about problems that need attention and help you find a way out. For example, a fast heartbeat improves blood flow to the brain, which helps to find a solution to a problem more efficiently and quickly.
Take a piece of paper and try to write down all the thoughts and feelings associated with stress. This exercise will allow you to become aware of the deeper causes of psychological overexertion. For example, if you are constantly overwhelmed at work, you are unlikely to be able to cope with stress through daily meditation. It will be much more productive to discuss the situation with superiors or colleagues and try to somehow reduce the load.
Look for non-standard solutions. If you are used to dealing with stress in certain ways, for example, through meditation or sports, try something new: have a heart-to-heart talk with friends or loved ones, test anti-stress smartphone apps…
2. You worry about what others will say.
Almost every one of us has some kind of favorite pastime or even «life’s work»: it can be a job or a hobby. But what exactly motivates us to do it so passionately? For some, this is a sincere interest, a desire to develop and learn something new. But many people first of all crave the approval of others or try to prove to friends, relatives, colleagues that they are worth something.
Problems begin when, in pursuit of this goal, we stop soberly assessing our capabilities — we force ourselves to work, despite illnesses, we refuse to take vacations. It is very difficult for us to rest — it immediately seems that we are wasting time that could be spent with benefit. We are afraid that we will not be considered lazy and loafers. All this is starting to take a toll on our mental well-being.
For those who are prone to this, it will be useful from time to time to take a «psychological vacation» from everything that is connected with the main business of life. Vacation doesn’t have to be long. And don’t force yourself to do something «relaxing». But even short breaks will help you eventually realize that you have every right to take a break from business, relieve stress and relax.
3. You find it difficult to decide something
Some of us cannot make a decision until we thoroughly explore all the options. Sometimes it’s hard for us to decide how best to spend our vacation time. And even choosing one thing, we continue to doubt — what if other options would help to relax even better? As a result, instead of rest, we are nervous.
The desire to always look for the “perfect” solution inevitably leads to regrets and self-blame. It is also difficult for us to relax because we are constantly thinking about upcoming things and possible options. This creates additional stress.
What to do?
On rest days, try to make fewer decisions. You can plan in advance when you allow yourself to relax and unwind (for example, by watching a movie or meditating) and how much time you allocate for this. So you will be sure that everything is going according to plan and you are not putting off any important things for the sake of rest.
Remember why you need rest. Do not forget that stress is bad for health — both mental and physical. Rest is not a whim or laziness, but a manifestation of taking care of yourself, your health and well-being.
Don’t be discouraged if you can’t completely get rid of your anxiety while relaxing. It will still benefit you, as it will help restore physical and mental strength. But it is desirable to find some activity that relaxes and you really enjoy. It could be cooking, gardening, or even jogging—anything that takes your mind off the stress and worries of everyday life.