Perhaps every couple goes through this stage: everything is fine in a relationship, but there is less sex. Sometimes this state of affairs secretly suits both partners. And it happens that one still remains unsatisfied. Why do not want sex and what reduces sexual desire?
To fix a problem, you must first determine its cause. Of course, there are many more than five. Sexual activity is affected by the state of health, and the mismatch of biorhythms, and any disagreements in the couple. And some women, even today, are under the delusion that they are not supposed to enjoy sex, and therefore treat it as a duty.
And yet the most common reasons, according to the observations of family therapists, are the following:
1. Stress
Constant stressful situations reduce the synthesis of testosterone, a hormone on which sexual desire directly depends. Also, the biochemical response to stress involves the release of cortisol (anxiety hormone) and adrenaline. The latter prepares the body to cope with difficult situations by raising blood sugar and blood pressure to fuel the muscles and brain.
However, in ordinary life we do not need all this. That is why after a stressful situation we feel the strongest fatigue. What kind of sex when you just want to fall into bed and fall asleep? The regular lack of sleep also affects the sexual life not in the best way.
It makes us insensitive to such pleasant stimuli as caresses.
To eliminate these causes, it is necessary to take the level of stress under control and defeat insomnia. You can start with a simple rule: do not check your work email and do not watch the news before going to bed.
And sex is the best way to smooth out the effects of stress. After all, the more often we make love, the more endorphins and oxytocin are in the body — hormones of happiness and affection.
2. Improper diet
This is the most banal reason for the decrease in sexual activity. A significant weight gain has a bad effect on the work of blood vessels, including in the genital area, which negatively affects their sensitivity.
A hearty dinner can also nullify any chances for a romantic night. All the forces of the body will go to the digestion of food. And fatty foods also cause a feeling of heaviness and drowsiness.
Therefore, it is better to have dinner early and light meals — vegetable salads, fish and seafood.
It is worth saying a few words about alcohol. Contrary to stereotypes, a large amount of alcohol does not increase libido, but kills it. Alcohol abuse affects the nerve endings that are responsible for erections in men and clitoral sensitivity in women.
3. Low self-esteem
Negative self-perception makes a person clamped and notorious, does not allow to relax. If it seems to you that you cannot interest anyone sexually, then this subconsciously reduces your interest in the process itself.
Therefore, you need to stop focusing on your own shortcomings. Active sex life is not only the owners of a perfect body.
Stop thinking about extra centimeters at the waist, worry about the hump on the nose or freckles on the back. Love yourself, feel more liberated. The result will not keep you waiting. If you can’t do it yourself, you can sign up for a self-esteem training or a consultation with a specialist.
4. Lack of mood
Studies show that women need more time to feel sexual desire. It rarely overtakes the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity suddenly. And often they refuse the offer of a partner, not because they don’t want sex at all today, but because they simply don’t feel the desire yet.
Men, on the other hand, often perceive rejection as a partner’s unwillingness to make love at all. For them, this may mean: «She doesn’t want me anymore.»
All this leads to a decrease in sexual contacts in a couple.
It is only natural that we cannot desire intimacy whenever a partner is in the mood. However, consider what might change your decision.
Explain to your partner how important foreplay is to you, romantic texts during the day, a long kiss after returning from work, gentle, supposedly casual, touches while you are preparing dinner, and other sexual gestures.
Think about what turns you on. Maybe a movie with your favorite actor? Sensual massage? A date in a cozy cafe? Help yourself set the mood for sex.
5. You don’t know what you like
Many women do not know what position they are more likely to have an orgasm, whether they like kissing during sex, and what generally turns them on in bed. Some people don’t even think about these things.
Others, on the contrary, have long dreamed that their partner, for example, handcuffed them to the bed, but are embarrassed to say so. And this, of course, does not help the sex life.
Let’s draw a simple parallel. You know your culinary preferences and you won’t eat tuna tartare if you can’t stand raw fish. So if your partner is going to cook this dish for dinner, you warn him, and he can change the menu.
So why do we behave differently when it comes to sex?
If sex does not bring pleasure, eventually the desire fades away. Think about what might interest you. For this, by the way, it is useful to watch porn and discuss what you see with your partner.
Don’t be afraid that he will judge you. Sex should stop being a taboo subject. Do not be afraid of the desires of your body. Discuss the problem and do everything so that words do not diverge from deeds.
About the Author: Sarah Hunter Murray is a Psychologist, Couples Therapist and Sexual Relations Specialist for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.