Why Women Fantasize About Rape

Fantasies of sexual abuse by men are among the most common for women. Why does our imagination give birth to something that in reality risks being traumatic and life-threatening?

There is not much research on women’s fantasies of sexual violence. Writer and science journalist Matthew Hudson believes that they are deliberately kept out of the public eye.

“Many people are reluctant to admit that these kinds of fantasies exist, fearing that it may be an indirect justification for real episodes of violence,” he says. “However, it is important to look deeper into the “dark sides” of our sexual nature, and not try to keep them in the shadows.”

All published studies confirm the prevalence of these erotic dreams — one in four women in ten indulge in them. One of the surveys was conducted by University of North Texas psychologists Joseph Critella and Jenny Bevon. Researchers surveyed 355 women on how often they fantasize about being forced to use force on them during a sexual encounter and how far their fantasies go. 62% answered that they had encountered such fantasies in their lives.

Depending on how the question was phrased, 52% admitted to fantasies of rough dominance by their partner, but described a situation that was known to be safe. As soon as the word «rape» appeared in the questionnaire, only 32% noted the presence of such imaginary scenarios.

The frequency of occurrence of fantasies also varied greatly: 25% of women noted that they appear less than once a year, 13% — several times a year, 11% — once a month, 8% — once a week, 5% — several times a week. . These figures are largely relevant to previous studies.

“Such fantasies can be erotically attractive or, on the contrary, repulsive,” says psychoanalyst Brat Kar. “In erotic fantasies, a woman receives only pleasure from symbolic domination, in aversive fantasies, sexual violence is perceived negatively.”

In a study by Critelli and Bivona, 45% of women described their fantasies as joyful experiences, 9% called them frightening and disgusting, 46% admitted that their fantasies were mixed and contained elements of both erotic arousal and fear at the same time.

In their meta-analysis, Critelli and Bivona also compared 20 previous studies to assess the underlying causes behind the common scenario of sexual assault fantasies.

Trying to avoid inner guilt

“I grew up in a family with very strict rules,” says Anna. “You couldn’t even dress with a slight hint of femininity, let alone get close to the boys. For a long time I lived with the feeling that sex is something shameful. And only the fantasies in which I was forced to surrender: the end of the world was coming and I was being carried away by force in the arms of a beautiful hero, often similar to a Hollywood actor, allowed me to relax.

“If a woman was brought up in a conservative environment where interest in sex is taboo, then from an early age, the only imagined scenario in which you can allow yourself erotic fantasies and not be tormented by remorse is episodes of male violence,” says Jenny Bivona. “When she simply has no choice but to surrender to a man.”

Studies show that women living in an environment where the expression of female sexuality is repressed fantasize much less. At the same time, it is precisely the fantasies of violence in sex that prevail among them.

The need for unconditional acceptance

One hypothesis interprets such fantasies as a desire for unconditional love. And violence here is just a symbol of a strong feeling that the partner is unable to contain. Some experts point out that these fantasies come from childhood and puberty, when a girl could feel lonely.

“As a child, I had dolls that always played the roles of a princess and a bully,” says Olga. — The bully attacked the princess, kidnapped her and behaved almost like a rapist, and then both dolls happily married. Later, when I grew up and began to imagine myself in the place of that princess, I liked this feeling of my own attraction and desirability.

“Many girls and girls are faced with elements of body dysmorphia, when their own body and face seem imperfect and repulsive to the opposite sex,” says Jenny Bivona. — Often these experiences are aggravated by really experienced episodes related to the fact that they were rejected.

A lot of people go through this experience at a young age. This may also partly explain such a common scenario of fantasies in which, for the sake of a woman, they go to extreme measures just to keep her.”

Research also confirms that the more a woman suffers from insecurities and internal fears, the more often she has sexual fantasies with overtones of violence.

Genetic predisposition to succumb to the strongest

This hypothesis, advanced by evolutionary psychology, suggests that humans, like many mammals, are biologically programmed to carry out a gender script: the male pursues the female, who surrenders to the will of the most dominant member of the group.

In nature, the female, attracting the male, runs away and stops, calling to catch her. And the posture of submission of the female at the time of sexual intercourse in all mammals, in particular in primates, is equally controlled by a part of the hypothalamus — the subcortical structure of the brain.

This mechanism works at the subconscious level, clearly manifesting itself in the script of female and male fantasies. At the same time, critics of this hypothesis emphasize that it cannot be fully confirmed or refuted, because, like most theories of evolutionary psychology, it has not passed empirical testing.

Activation of biological processes

The slight fear that partly colors these fantasies at the same time increases our sexual desire. “It’s like a rollercoaster effect, where horror and the desire to experience strong feelings are inseparable,” says Joseph Critelli. — The sympathetic nervous system begins to function actively in moments of severe stress and excitement, a person’s pulse increases, breathing quickens, there is increased hydration of the mucous membranes of the genitals. Thus, the intense experiences that occur in fantasies contribute to sexual arousal.

Rogue Hero

A study of the most popular romance novels aimed at a female audience shows that the main character in them is sexually assaulted in 54% of the plots. In this case, a brutal hero in the form of a warrior becomes a rapist. In the end, the heroine always engenders in him not only animal desire, but also love feelings, and they happily go down the aisle.

“Such plots in books for both men and women are built on the exploitation of the most famous sex fantasies,” notes sociologist and journalist Michael Castleman. “For a man, this is a fantasy of possessing a woman who enjoys his dominance, for a woman, this scenario is transformed into the appearance of an imaginary hero who desires her so passionately that he ceases to control himself.”

Researchers suggest that the duality of this experience may also be attractive to a woman: both the unexpected transformation of a rapist into a hero in love, and her own position at the same time by the force of a held concubine and a passionately desired lover.

Psychoanalyst Bret Kar argues that the vast majority of women are perfectly able to distinguish between the threat of real violence from a stranger and the play of their own imagination. However, in some cases, such fantasies may appear as a reflection of unrepressed experiences of violence experienced in the past. In addition, they may reflect unmanifested masochistic inclinations.

“As a rule, fantasies associated with elements of sexual violence can be called a variant of the norm, but if they become obsessive and uncomfortable for a woman, you should definitely contact a specialist,” says Kar.

Can a woman share these fantasies with her partner? “Obviously, a loving partner will treat this delicately and with understanding,” says Kar. “However, a person with sadistic tendencies that did not manifest or that you were not aware of could interpret this information in a destructive and unsafe way for you.”

Therefore, sharing such fantasies is important only with the person with whom you have developed a truly trusting relationship.