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We all want our partner to be comfortable and good. But how is it that we dream of deep affection and love, and in the end agree to a dull compromise? Here’s the thing: until we solve our personal problems and deal with ourselves, we most likely won’t shine in a healthy relationship.
We can’t communicate
As a rule, everything depends on the ability to communicate, understand the “language of love” of another, recognize his right to his desires and clearly convey his own. Alas, too often we do not voice needs directly, believing that the partner must guess for himself.
We do not sympathize with another when he deserves it. We overwhelm a loved one with gifts when all he needs is quality time spent together. Or, offended, we play silent, and so on and so forth.
Healthy, deep, happy relationships require partners to be able to listen and hear each other, negotiate, take into account the feelings and interests of the other. This is the only way to avoid serious misunderstandings and even in conflicts remember that you are close and loving people.
We are too critical of others
“Well, I’m just trying to be objective!”, “Who else, besides me, will tell you the whole truth?”, “Sorry for being direct, but …” – hiding behind these phrases, we often hurt a partner painfully, striking a blow to his self-esteem , criticizing everything in him: the way he looks, where he works, with whom he is friends.
In a healthy relationship, there is no place for unnecessary, unhealthy and unwelcome criticism. As a rule, people who are insecure or negative attack others: this is their way to rise, to make sure that they are right. Many judge the world and others by themselves, look at everything through the prism of their experience, look for flaws in others, project fears onto others, releasing critical remarks. These people are very difficult.
We never make the first move
Because we are too proud for this, because it is below our dignity. Because we do not want to show another that we are immature and need him. But true maturity is to compromise, to be the first to take a step towards reconciliation, to be the first to speak, write, apologize, thank, invite somewhere.
If you apologize first, maybe your partner will do it next time. If you propose to meet, perhaps the next time the initiative will come from him or her, and so on.
We blame the partner
Another sign of a mature, healthy, and happy relationship is that the two respect each other, take responsibility for their actions, and don’t shift the blame on each other, play on shame, and don’t make the other feel like they’re not good enough. signs of emotional abuse). An inflated ego, the desire to always be right in everything and control everything – this is the reason that relationships turn from beautiful to mediocre.
We are selfish and self-centered
Pulling the blanket over yourself is another “family fun” that ruins relationships. If one of the partners is completely focused on himself and his interests, nothing good will come of it: the second person in the pair will sooner or later feel unimportant, insignificant, used. Therefore, it is worth learning to be more selfless, to give, to take care of another, to give him your time, love and energy.
All this is the key to a happy union. This is not easy and does not mean that there will be no quarrels in such an alliance. But if there is mutual respect and deep understanding, they will be resolved peacefully.