Why we hesitate to make a decision: 6 reasons and their consequences

The state of uncertainty is emotionally costly and destructive for the human psyche: how much strength and energy is wasted! Therefore, it is useful to understand why we are postponing the decision. I would highlight seven main reasons. To some extent, they are characteristic of each of us.

Reason #1. Euphoria of opportunity

The older we get, the more difficult the decision is given – we are afraid to make a mistake and miss something. Youth, on the contrary, is characterized by a “euphoria of possibilities”. Until a university is chosen, we present ourselves as lawyers, journalists, and doctors. Until a job is chosen, we swim in the ocean of vacancies and are in no hurry to “moor” to the shore.

It’s nice to be in a state of euphoria. After all, as soon as the choice is made, from the whole variety of options there will be one, and all the others will be inaccessible. It is a pity to miss them, so we delay the process in every possible way, enjoying the open opportunities to the last. But being in a state of this euphoria, we risk missing both options.

Here is an example from life. The businessman chose which project to take on. The first promised him status, name, fame, the second was purely commercial. The businessman reasoned like this: “If I choose the first one, I will lose the opportunity to earn money. If I choose the second one, I will miss the chance to become famous and go down in history. While he was thinking whether to make money or become famous, both projects were picked up by others.

Reason number 2. Trapped in a decision

Sometimes it is not only the fear of missing out on this or that opportunity that keeps us from taking a decisive step. We sometimes feel sorry for our own “investments” – forces, time, money. We are not ready to admit that we made a mistake, we worked in vain.

Let’s say we decide to go to the mountains – go skiing. We chose a resort, booked a hotel, bought ski passes, rented skis and boots – and here we are. But due to heavy snowfalls, the lifts do not work, the weather is cloudy, and the hotel is also unlucky – the rooms are cold and uncomfortable, the food is terrible … We dream of returning home, but something stops us. What?

Firstly, regret about the money spent and the desire to “work it off” at all costs: if you paid for the rest, then you need to rest. Suffering for your own money is a typical “entertainment” for many. Secondly, to go home means to admit that the decision was initially wrong. But we are afraid to drop our self-esteem and therefore continue to pretend that everything is going as it should. As a result, we become hostages of earlier decisions.

Reason number 3. Of two evils

Sometimes we find ourselves in a super-difficult dilemma, when we have to choose one of two unambiguously bad options. In a person who finds himself in such a situation, the ability to make decisions is blocked under the influence of negative emotions. We look one way – it’s bad, we look the other way – even worse.

The emerging feeling of hopelessness makes it difficult to look at what is happening from a different angle – and, perhaps, to see another, third solution, some more positive, albeit a distant perspective. When we have to choose between bad and very bad, the main thing is to find the strength in ourselves to make this choice and live on.

Reason number 4. Negative experience

Often, before taking an important step, we return to our past experiences – usually negative ones. The fear of stepping on the same rake prevents us from making a choice, it pulls us back. It’s natural to be afraid of the consequences. This is very human, because no one can know for sure how everything will turn out, it is impossible to foresee everything. In our life there will always be decisions that, over time, we will evaluate as not very successful or even erroneous.

But, unfortunately, we often project old problems onto new experiences on a 1:1 scale, not noticing that the situation is already completely different, and the participants are not the same. Of course, we must take into account our mistakes, but they should not paralyze us at the stage of making new important decisions.

Reason number 5. momentary benefit

Often we ourselves block the decision, trying to maintain psychological comfort (for example, trying to avoid an unpleasant conversation). We want to be calm now, at this time and in this place, and do not think about how this will affect our future. In a situation of choice, it is always important to consider the time perspective.

This is well illustrated by the 10-10-10 model developed by Susie Welch. In 10-10-10: How to Manage Your Life and Get Rid of Doubt When Making Tough Decisions, the author advises anyone facing a choice to think about how their decision will affect the next 10 minutes, 10 months, 10 years.

Reason number 6. Loyalty conflict

It happens that different people or even groups of people demand directly opposite actions from us. At the same time, we have obligations to each of the parties, so the question inevitably arises: in relation to whom should we behave loyally?

The most common conflict is between career and family. We try to be good for everyone and end up missing something everywhere. Therefore, it is important to prioritize and understand who will suffer the most from our neglect, which relationships will be most damaged and how it will affect us. When we begin to measure not only the importance of the people to whom we have obligations, but also the possible consequences of our choice, it becomes easier to make a decision and explain it – both to ourselves and to others.

Reason number 7. Striving for the ideal

We are often held back from making a decision by our own perfectionism. The desire to make the only right choice, to stop at the best option of all possible. But it is impossible to find the only right solution that will not disappoint us under any circumstances. Life is so arranged that you have to make compromises.

Moreover, any solution is a compromise. And by definition, it cannot correspond to our preferences “one hundred percent”. The ideal can and should be left to the world of ideas, and in the real world – choose the option that is fundamentally not at odds with our values, needs and goals.

Why do we need to understand this?

We become indecisive when we do not want to take responsibility. The price of such a delay is energy, which as a result is not enough for other important steps. Unfinished business hangs over us, burdens, poisons existence, drives us into stress, fetters the strength that we need so much. It is important to understand what and why becomes a stumbling block for us. When we understand this, it will be easier for us to manage ourselves and, in a situation of choice, act more freely and decisively.