Contents
Why We Get Frustrated Often And How To Stop It
Psychology
We feel frustrated when a desire raised cannot be satisfied, but there are ways not to feel this feeling excessively
Surely more than once and twice you have said that “I feel frustrated”, even if you do not have a very clear definition of what that really means. Actually, the frustration is that feeling we have when we leave a need unsatisfied blocking our behavior. Irene López Assor, psychologist and author of ’10 obstacles that prevent you from being happy’, explains that this concept answers several questions: what need did I have to fulfill that goal? What part of me needed to develop? What part of me needed to be calmed? What internal need, and therefore , not visible at first glance, is it that I really have to relieve?
That feeling is generated when a wish cannot be satisfied
raised and, faced with this type of situation, people react in a emotional plane, such as getting angry, increasing anxiety, anger, anger and, with it, being able to continue pursuing the objectives set is blocked. For example, if we study hard and always fail, our brain learns that we make an effort but we do not achieve the goal, that of passing. This generates a learned helplessness and, as Irene López Assor explains, it is very difficult to solve in the sense that an internal code is generated that translates into “whatever you do, you will not reach the goal: We fall like this in defenselessness and, therefore, in a high level of frustration».
Types of frustration
Within the frustration, and thanks to López Assor, we can distinguish four subtypes of frustration:
1. Barrier frustration: it would be what we are trying to apply or apply. “It is a barrier that does not depend on us, we compete with more people who meet certain criteria at a certain time, for example an application for a scholarship in which yours is not suitable and that of others is,” says the expert . Ultimately, the attribution of failure is not due to your skills, it is an external factor. If you don’t have the note, you stay out.
2. The frustration of incompatibility Of two positive objects, the second category means that “we have two objectives that we want to achieve, but they are incompatible in their execution with each other.” An example of this would be to have an otter coat and help these animals, something completely incompatible.
3. The third type is the avoidance-avoidance conflict frustration. It means when a person is avoiding particular situations because he feels a double repulsion. The psychologist says that if, for example, she forced her son to study psychology to help him, he would feel a double rejection of both studies and work, which are not to his liking.
4. The last subtype of frustration combine the above, and it is none other than the conflict by approach-avoidance. As the psychologist explains, throughout life we have situations that will cause both positive and negative consequences, but in a similar way.
Ways to feel less frustrated
If we ever feel frustrated, these are the four steps we should follow, according to López Assor:
1. Do not get carried away by intense emotions. It means that we should not let ourselves be carried away by sadness, anger, anger, anger or rage because the only thing we are going to achieve by letting ourselves be carried away by that intense emotion is to repent of the consequences of our actions.
“If you feel angry, it is best to lock yourself in your room, go for a walk or isolate yourself from others until it passes so as not to hurt them. When you are calmer, investigate what has hurt you ”, says the expert. If, on the contrary, when you are in that anger and that rage, you start telling everyone about it, what you are doing is “reinforcing the victimhood”; It’s not that you don’t tell it, it’s that you tell it calmly.
2. Give yourself a moment of pause. Times are essential in emotional management and, after anger or frustration, you should take your time, relaxing, even if you feel pain, you can control that state. Then analyze what really happened. What frustrated you so much? Likewise, you can give up a goal whenever you want because what you wanted in the past doesn’t have to be what you want in the present. Everything indicates that to achieve your goals “you will need to dedicate time.”
3. Feel the freedom of your decision making. Analyze the strategies that you have used so far to achieve your goals because you are not doing the same well, or possibly, the goal is not as attractive as you thought. You can decide to stop… «You have no obligation to others because they are personal and non-transferable goals. Maybe they were goals set by your parents, by your friends. You are free to decide for yourself what you want and with whom you want to share your life, ”says the expert.
4. Technique of the five alternatives. Once you mark the objective, and although it seems that you are failing, look for five alternatives to achieve the goal. Of the five alternatives that you mark, put the advantages and disadvantages for each one. López Assor says that there is no ideal solution, since the important thing about this technique is that “it offers us a wide range of advantages and disadvantages” and this provides that, when a plan A does not work, you have the alternatives ready: a plan B , plan C, plan D …
Therefore, try to be more flexible with your objectives and create different strategies, in this way, if an idea fails, there are other options.