We can feel lonely and misunderstood, even if in life there are close and beloved people, interesting work and many hobbies. What causes this feeling and can something be done about its hidden causes?
“I’m fine, but I constantly feel lonely, although I’m not alone,” most people can ascribe such a phrase to themselves. Where does this feeling come from and why are there so many of us lonely?
Now we can answer these questions. Research by the Red Cross in the UK has shown that one in five Brits feel lonely. Other studies show that chronic loneliness is bad for health and can shorten life expectancy. Fortunately, we are now well aware of this influence.
Most people whose experiences were ignored by their parents as children end up feeling lonely as adults. It seems to many that there is nothing wrong with the fact that adults do not respond to the emotions of the child.
However, such upbringing deprives him of important parts of the foundation on which relationships with others are built.
The consequences of neglecting emotional needs continue to reverberate into adulthood, creating feelings of alienation and other problems.
Reasons why you feel lonely:
1. Your family did not talk heart to heart. It happens that relatives are very good at discussing plans for the future and practical issues, but if someone is sad and hurt, family members seem to scatter. Yes, it’s hard to talk about painful experiences. This needs to be learned.
And if it was not customary in your family to seriously discuss feelings, you may simply not be able to do this. And because this skill is essential for building meaningful relationships (both friendships and loves), you find it difficult to connect with others, and as a result, you suffer from loneliness.
2. Your parents criticized your feelings, and you began to isolate yourself from the experience in order to survive. As a child, you adapted to the conditions of life in the family, learning to suppress emotions so as not to burden your parents with them. But feelings are a kind of glue that binds people and allows them to build meaningful relationships. Without them, it is difficult to build those deep and lasting emotional bonds that everyone needs.
3. If your parents did not see your experiences, they seemed to send a signal every day: «No one needs your feelings.» Since feelings are the deepest and most natural manifestation of ourselves, we hear this message differently: “You yourself (a) are not needed (needed)”.
Adults whose feelings were neglected in childhood feel, deep down, that they are less important than others. They sacrifice feelings, needs, and needs for the benefit of those around them. If you consider yourself inferior to others, it is as if you live in a separate world.
4. Another message your subconscious was receiving: «If something is wrong with your feelings, then it is with you too.» A person who grew up in a family where his feelings were not considered, from childhood feels deeply flawed. Because of this, he is afraid to open up to others, because he is afraid that they will see his insignificance.
Therefore, he maintains a «safe» relationship, but they do not bring satisfaction.
5. You kept trying to ask your parents for emotional help, which is completely natural, but you didn’t get it. Now, as an adult, you are afraid to seek emotional support from others. You are afraid to experience disappointment or rejection, so you rely only on yourself. Your motto is «I can do it myself.» But being afraid to ask for help, you isolate yourself from others and, again, feel lonely.
6. You find it difficult to explain to loved ones that your emotional needs were neglected as a child. Because of this, it may seem to you that only you have suffered from such problems and no one can understand you.
But you are not alone. In fact, countless people are experiencing the same thing. Most of them seem to be healthy, resilient people. You meet them in the store, in the office, even at the festive table.
Learning to take care of your emotions is essential. After all, then you yourself will be able to give yourself that love and affection that was not enough in childhood. Once you decide to take this path, there will be no going back. Life will become richer, relationships will begin to bring joy, and your suffering from loneliness will end!