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In fact, only the one who commits the harassment is always to blame. And if this happened to you, asking for help is important and necessary. We tell you how you can help yourself if you find it difficult to decide to make what happened public.
More than half of the victims of sexual harassment do not tell anyone about the problem. Some women are afraid of “revenge”, others are simply ashamed. Or it seems to them that they will be blamed for what happened. And not without reason: many still believe that the victim is “to blame”: she put on a short skirt, drank too much, or simply laughed too loudly and attracted attention. Others generally explain sexual harassment by saying that “such is male nature.”
However important it is to learn to identify and stop them. Why are women afraid to talk about the negative experience they have experienced, and how to fix it?
Are you afraid that you will be retaliated
Most likely, there is nothing to be afraid of: the person who has committed harassment will not have the courage to harm you after disclosing information about him. However, it is worth remembering that an adequate person will never harass others, so sometimes fears can still have real grounds.
But it doesn’t matter if it’s a real threat or if you think it’s because you’re too scared. Now the most important thing is to provide yourself with psychological comfort, so take care of your safety right away.
What can be done
If you are concerned about your safety, you should . First, tell family and friends you trust about what happened. Or even strangers who are currently near you. Surely in any public place there is someone who can support you here and now.
Share your feelings, experiences and fears, ask for support. This way you will feel more secure and calm down a bit. Then you can come up with a plan of action together.
If harassment is happening right now
Try to get the attention of other people: this will quickly scare away the person who is harassing you. Please note that anyone can help, regardless of gender or age.
In order for the one who harasses you to stop doing it and realize the inadmissibility of such behavior, fortunately, physical strength is usually not needed – a competent reaction of others is enough. If you have witnessed harassment or asked for help, it is not always easy to act correctly in such a situation: often we simply do not know how to respond and what can be done.
L’Oreal Paris has developed a special to tell you how to behave in such cases. Pass to learn how to properly respond and stop the offender.
In short, you need to follow the 5D rule: Disorient, Demonstrate support, Delegate, Document, Act.
You are ashamed
You need to understand that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of – the one who committed the harassment should be ashamed. Yes, for many, the topic of sex and everything connected with it remains “forbidden”. But try to understand that this is about your safety, and also the safety of many girls who may be in your place.
What can be done
To begin with, you can talk about the situation with a psychologist or psychotherapist – he will help to cope with feelings of embarrassment or shame. Then it will be a little easier for you to share with the closest people you trust, and together think about how to proceed.
If harassment is happening right now
Ask for help, because otherwise the situation can go even further. And you in this situation are a victim who has nothing to be ashamed of. Try to keep these thoughts in your head to make it a little easier to decide to seek support from others. You may find it a little easier to ask another woman for help than a man.
You think you won’t be believed
Especially if the person who harassed you in everyday life makes a completely opposite impression: others may know him as pleasant in communication, modest and good-natured – this happens quite often.
What can be done
The situation needs to be made public. Perhaps other women were in your position, but they also decided not to advertise what happened for the same reasons. In this case, you can unite and already feel more confident. If this situation has affected only you, first share it with someone with whom you have a trusting relationship.
If harassment is happening right now
Immediately start documenting the situation (for example, filming on your phone) as soon as you feel a threat of harassment from someone: this way you will provide yourself with the necessary evidence, and no one will have any doubts about your words, and you will feel more confident talking about happened.
Are you afraid that your words will not be taken seriously?
The situation is similar to the previous one, but in this case you assume that those around you will believe you, but will not attach any importance to what happened: “Just think, nothing like this happened”, “He just wanted to pay attention to you”, “All women are harassed – such is male nature “,” You should be glad that you were paid attention.
This behavior of others is called gaslighting – this is unpleasant, as your feelings are simply devalued.
What can be done
Find like-minded people who will support you: in communities in social networks, on thematic sites, forums. Tell them about what happened – support will help you feel more confident and will not let you believe that nothing really happened out of the ordinary.
And if such behavior is the norm for your environment, firstly, you should think about whether these are the people with whom you would like to communicate at all.
If harassment is happening right now
Try to film everything on your phone as well. Grab the attention of others and ask for help from those who seem more understanding to you. For example, older people sometimes may not see the problems in such situations and consider them far-fetched. And a young girl is more likely to share your feelings and come to the rescue.
Do you feel guilty or try to justify the offender?
Psychologists call this behavior Stockholm Syndrome – when the victim begins to sympathize with the aggressor. This is a normal reaction of the psyche to a severely traumatic event.
It is exacerbated by social norms that are now dying out, but still continue to operate: many still believe that women themselves provoke men to harassment with their appearance or behavior. This position is especially common in traditional societies.
What can be done
It is important to track such a reaction in yourself and clearly state that only the person who harassed you is to blame for what happened. Contact the thematic communities for support. If you live in a traditional environment, the easiest way to do this is online – you can even anonymously.
If the feeling of guilt is strong, seek help from a psychotherapist – now there are a large number of services that also allow you to do this online.
If harassment is happening right now
Most likely, you will just have to overcome yourself in order to seek help. To make this easier, mentally repeat that the victim can never be considered guilty of a crime – so here.
You are too hard psychologically or you do not feel the strength to talk about what happened
Being sexually harassed can be very traumatic psychologically. You may feel fear, guilt, confusion, shame, anger, or all at once. Dealing with such strong emotions on your own can be challenging. And at the mere thought of telling someone about it or asking for help, these negative feelings can return with renewed vigor.
What can be done
Be sure to see a psychotherapist. Many cities have free mental health services that can help you over the phone or in person.
If harassment is happening right now
If you are being harassed and you are so traumatized and discouraged that you cannot ask for help, the main thing is not to blame yourself for this too.
Perhaps, if the harassment is limited to words, now you will be more comfortable just to remain silent and ignore the actions of this person. However, it is important to understand that if you do not stop them, it may become even more difficult for you psychologically later.
Try to get over yourself and call for help, but remember that you may well allow yourself to seek help later, having worked through this trauma with a specialist.
If you come to the rescue, it will make the life of at least one person safer and contribute to the overall fight against the problem.
The most important thing if you find yourself in this situation is to remember that you are not alone. The more women who ask for help, the faster society will stop turning a blind eye to the problem of sexual harassment. Fortunately, this trend is already there, which means that we are on the way to making women feel safe anywhere.
And if you witnessed harassment, very . Help is very simple, it does not require special skills and special efforts, but it will definitely make the life of at least one person a little safer and contribute to the overall fight against the problem.