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He never talks about his feelings, he can disappear for several days. Behind him stretches a train of broken hearts, but it seems to you: it is he who is the hero of your novel. Why cold men turn out to be the heroes of women’s dreams and what conclusions can be drawn if you are drawn to them, psychologist Jill Weber explains.
They «shine» and attract
These men take care of themselves and always look good. They can try on different styles, but their clothes are always of high quality, and the image is distinguished by thoughtful negligence. The main message: I treat everything, including myself, with ease. At first, this seems like a charming feature that immediately attracts attention.
The second key to success is detachment in communication and an aura of understatement, causing a desire to find out what lies behind the image of the mysterious Childe Harold. Alas, very often nothing. And emotional stinginess is not a manifestation of that depth that is not revealed to everyone and not immediately, but only the ability to control the situation without getting too mentally involved in it.
They do not engage in heated arguments and avoid the possibility of appearing ridiculous, insecure, imperfect. In a word, human.
They maintain the image
In behavioral psychology, there is the concept of reinforcing a positive impression by repeating actions that were perceived positively the first time. In the case of emotionally unapproachable men, this model works like this: from time to time they show involvement in relationships and all the paraphernalia of romantic courtship.
Romance with a hero who magnetically attracts other women flatters the female ego
It seems to a woman that she has finally achieved the location of her hero. When his attention wanes, she again provokes him to the manifestation of feelings and emotions that she has become accustomed to. And only when he realizes that his victim is losing patience or interest in a protracted game, he again sends her unexpected signs of attention: likes on social networks, offers to leave together for the weekend, initiates a sincere conversation, sends a bouquet of flowers.
They provoke fantasies of fairy life
It seems to a woman that a physically attractive man, who is in perfect control of his emotions, is able to control a lot in life. He is perceived as a hero-winner who will pull out of the stream of ordinary everyday life and give a colorful life-long love story.
They boost self-esteem
Romance with a hero who magnetically attracts other women flatters the female ego. Even if the story doesn’t develop into a full-fledged, long-term relationship (which it does in the vast majority of cases), it allows you to live out the childhood fantasy of a princess that was appreciated by a symbolic, inaccessible prince. As a practicing psychologist, I often see this as another way to validate my worth and worth.
They turn out to be a mirror of women’s reflections and fears.
For women, for various reasons, unsure that they are worthy of getting what they want, male kindness and disposition seem to be suspicious qualities. Men who show a sincere interest in them are often called insufficiently interesting and courageous.
In the minds of women who do not love and do not accept themselves, unapproachable men reinforce their own image of a person unworthy of love.
In reality, many of these women do not love and do not accept themselves. And the impregnability of a man strengthens in their minds their own image of a man who is unworthy of attention and love.
They don’t «get into the soul»
If a woman is by nature closed and not prone to the manifestation of emotions, her counterpart will not insist on getting to know her better and understanding her deeper. On the contrary, he will do everything to avoid uncomfortable topics, and will not complicate anything. Any conversations associated with strong feelings, this hero will bypass.
As you can see, a man with an aura of impregnability is able, as in a mirror, to reflect those of our features that we had not thought about before. Helping us look at ourselves from a new angle is the best thing he can do for us. Because for all their external attractiveness, this type of man will never allow you to experience the unconditional love of a loved one with whom you can be yourself.