Thanks to their intelligence, talent and determination, they have achieved a lot in their careers or built a successful business. It seems that Fortune favors them in everything. And only meeting with your soul mate often turns out to be an insurmountable obstacle.
A professionally successful, great-looking woman is often a hostage to her own achievements. The environment naively expects impeccability from her in everything – including in personal relationships. Meanwhile, social fulfillment does not guarantee the successful construction of personal life. Exactly the same as the absence of a career is not a guarantee of creating a happy family.
“Successful women are often strong personalities who know how to take responsibility and are used to controlling a lot in their lives,” says psychologist Marina Myaus. – Sometimes it is difficult for them to discover their vulnerability, and in intimate relationships, the ability to open unprotected sides to another is important. There is a false belief that men are afraid of strong women. In fact, they are afraid of closed women. A woman sometimes “closes” in her career and lives with the feeling that no man can make her happy. For a variety of reasons, it turns out to be unbearably difficult for her to ask for something. And this upsets the balance of the relationship, which, in turn, is looking for a man who is ready to take responsibility.
Why am I lonely?
Regardless of whether a woman has a brilliant career or not, loneliness almost always hides an inner fear. We fear the pain we once experienced. It seems that it is safer to invest not in personal relationships, but in another area of life, for example, work. Even if a woman does not have a traumatic experience with a partner behind her, she may unconsciously avoid repeating the childhood scenario of relationships with her father.
It could be a tough person who criticized and devalued, and the denial of intimacy with anyone turns out to be a protection against falling into the same trap again. True, the opposite may also be true: the father who adores the girl sets an unattainable bar, and she is looking for a repetition of such relationships with a person who is ready to put everything at her feet, but does not meet such an ideal.
Bait for gigolos
“It all started with a vivid romance – he conquered me with his kindness, romance and some kind of deep, as it seemed to me, understanding of me,” says Olga. Now I see that I was just a good psychologist. He said the things I wanted to hear. Having moved to me, he began to live at my expense. I always understood that I earn more, but I did not expect that my man would use me so openly. I turned a blind eye to this for a long time, but it all ended when I found out that he was cheating with my friend in my own house.
“Accomplished, self-sufficient women sometimes, like a magnet, attract men who are ready to parasitize on their prosperity and opportunities,” the psychologist admits. – A full-fledged relationship is always built on the interaction of an Adult with an Adult. However, a successful person sometimes builds relationships from the position of an overbearing Parent. And the Child is inevitably attracted to him, ready to give him responsibility for himself.
This rule also works in the opposite direction: if a woman positions herself as weak and defenseless, the one who needs to be constantly saved, she will find such a person. But we must be prepared for the fact that he is more likely to want to control her and keep her on a short leash.
How to change it?
Of course, you can’t change yourself. But you can learn to choose a different type of behavior in communicating with a man.
“Often, when we don’t have something, we are not ready for it,” says Marina Myaus. – You can try to push off from an imaginary image: I already have a happy relationship – what am I like? Perhaps you feel that this relationship will make you softer. Then your first step is to try to be like that. Think about who in the environment you can already interact with in less harsh ways, and try to develop this skill. If you feel that you will be more calm and relaxed, start devoting time to this state as well. If you realize that you want to look different, this will be an occasion to change something in your appearance.
In order to change the paradigm of relationships, it is not at all necessary to oppose the career ladder and personal life. It is enough to try to live in different emotional roles.