A person from birth learns to speak for two years and then cannot be silent all his life. Therefore, many say to themselves: my tongue is my enemy. So much too much has been said, which we later regret! But how to learn to be silent when necessary?
There are situations in which you do not need to control your speech, or almost not. Pleasant chatter can even be useful. One girl said this to me: “I can’t be silent for a long time, I need to meet my friends and sharpen my “lyas”. I don’t know what “lyasy” are, where they are located and why they are dull, but if there is a harmless desire to sharpen them, why not.
Other situations, for example: business negotiations, solving serious issues in personal life, communication with children, parents, management, etc. Here it is useful to control your speech and know what to say, how and why.
What to say?
As a rule, when bursting to speak out, what to say is clear. Maybe the content of what was said will not be accurate, clear, logical, but from the heart and all at once. It is better to think over your speech, take the time, formulate the main theses in writing. After that, it is useful to remove the superfluous, to say simply and only the main thing. After all, a word is not a sparrow … You can’t let out superfluous and unnecessary words to anyone.
How to say?
So that they understand. The meaning of what has been said is not in what we want to communicate, but in how the interlocutor will understand it. Someone will better perceive a calm, reasoned narration, someone needs to express their thoughts emotionally, vividly, convincingly. The choice of the form of conveying information to the listener depends on his personal characteristics, it is useful to take them into account.
Why speak?
Many people easily know how to formulate a topic, its content, they know how to present it. But the main question is why? What is the purpose? After all, the availability of information and the ability to speak is not an unconditional reason to start doing this. Why do we enter into communication? For example:
— ask a question, get information;
— make an offer;
— express doubt, request, claim, demand.
It may turn out that there is no need to speak.
Questions are difficult. It is often better not to ask them at all, even if there is no idea what answer you can get, what feelings to cause.
Mom to son:
Who do you love more, mom or dad?
Why is this question needed?
The offer must be attractive and interesting. Otherwise, there is a chance of getting rejected. Should I run into him?
— I suggest you drink.
— I do not drink.
What, you don’t respect?
Do you want to express a doubt, a request, a claim, a demand? So this is what you want. Does another person need it? Why offer him something that is not needed? What can be the answer?
Of course, everything is determined by the context and circumstances of communication. It’s just useful to ask yourself the question more often: why do I want to say this?
If you understand that there is a reasonable answer, then speak. The conversation will be meaningful and enjoyable for everyone. If you don’t know why, then let this question help you learn to be silent and not say too much.
Metaphor on the topic of the article …
One day a man came to Socrates and said:
Do you know what your friend says about you?
Socrates answered him:
“Before you tell me this news, sift it through three sieves. The first is the sieve of truth. Are you sure what you’re about to tell me is true?
Well, I’ve heard it from others.
See, you’re not sure. The second sieve is the sieve of goodness. Will this news please me, will it please me?
— Not at all.
— And, finally, the third sieve — a sieve of benefit. Will this news be helpful?
— I doubt.
— You see — you want to tell me news that does not contain truth and goodness, and besides, it is useless. Why say it then?