Contents
Surely everyone has a friend who you can safely come to a meeting with later, because he will definitely make you wait. Due to systematic delays, important projects are disrupted and relationships are collapsing. What internal reasons may lie behind the inability to arrive on time?
Circumstances are always to blame: as another excuse, a chronically late person talks about a suddenly broken alarm clock, tights torn just before leaving, or wild traffic jams. But even if all this is true, the real reason why the counterpart once again pissed you off, making you wait, most likely, is different.
Thirst for attention
Late, such people — often with a hysterical psychotype — try to attract attention. Their nervous system is weak and very mobile. This entails unstable performance and rapid emotional exhaustion. It is difficult for hysteroids to achieve something with their own work, and they rely on spectacular self-presentation.
Being late becomes one of the ways to express yourself. Such people know how to make a beautiful theatrical exit. So, late for a lecture, the girl passes through the entire audience, taking care to produce the desired effect.
Scattering
It is generally accepted that such a person has a «head in the clouds.» This is how people with a schizoid psychotype behave, who are afraid of any social situations. “The more stressful the event is (an interview, an exam, a public speaking), the more likely they are to be late,” explains psychologist Alex Riddle. “Being late becomes a way to minimize stress.”
attention deficit disorder
The internal chaos and lack of concentration that people with attention deficit disorder suffer from are constantly late. “The inability to keep track of time may be just the tip of the iceberg of difficulties such a person faces on a daily basis,” says Riddle. “This seriously affects the quality of his life, and without attention to the underlying problem and appropriate therapy, the habit of being late cannot be overcome.”
Depression
A person in a state of depression has reduced all vital functions: libido, appetite, social involvement and attentiveness. He doesn’t care if he’s late. Everything seems meaningless, difficult, unrealizable.
Permissive feeling
This is how people with traits of a sociopath or a narcissist behave. If others are late due to circumstances and, above all, they themselves suffer from their lack of punctuality, then a person with the motto “I can do anything” is extremely attentive to ensuring that being late does not affect the quality of his life. He allows himself such behavior only in relation to certain people, thus demonstrating superiority, asserting himself, showing passive aggression.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE ALWAYS LATE YOURSELF?
First, understand why. Perhaps the cause is anxiety and fear, which is important to pay attention to. Only by resolving these problems, you can stop being late.
Second, clearly write down all the important things for the day and set a timer that determines when you need to start and finish each task. “Some people don’t really feel how much time has passed. Let the program on your phone take over this function: it will remind you exactly what you need to do now, ”suggests Alex Riddle.
What if you find yourself in a waiting position?
Natalia Artsybasheva, gestalt therapist
Being late is a gross violation of our time limits. If a person is inclined to do this regularly, it is useful for him to outline these boundaries and patiently hold them. For example, let them know in advance that you can’t wait longer than 15 minutes — after that time, you’ll have to leave, unfortunately. When you treat yourself with respect, others begin to treat you the same way.
But what if you are more interested in the meeting than the latecomer and are not ready to conflict? You have to find a delicate balance between the value of the meeting and the level of damage in case of refusal. If you know that you will have to wait, at least take care of yourself: choose a comfortable place to wait, stock up on interesting reading. And ideally, of course, it is better not to depend on such people.
Our brains are clever at protecting us from the bad. If we don’t admit to ourselves that we really don’t want to go somewhere, to participate in some event, then various “miracles” happen to us: we took the metro in the wrong direction, forgot about the meeting, mixed up the time. It is the unconscious avoidance of an uncomfortable situation. In this case, everyone can be responsible only for themselves, take care of their comfort, not agree “out of politeness” to unsuitable conditions and more actively voice their needs.
You can ask the latecomer if he really wanted to meet with you, but, unfortunately, not all people are ready to realize this. It happens that we cannot express our dissatisfaction to someone’s face, but it itself breaks through in our actions, including in the form of delays. Sometimes it’s better to discuss sensitive topics than to avoid them.