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You have committed an ugly act, and something is bothering you … Perhaps the pangs of shame or the voice of conscience. What is the difference? Why is the culture of shame destructive for the individual? And how does the origin of these words affect self-esteem? The linguist and psychologist Natalia Ivleva will help to understand this.
“He’s not ashamed!”
“He’s not even ashamed,” an elderly teacher said to the mother of a second-grader who wrote the word “February” through the letter “I” for the third time in a week. “You should explain to him that it is a shame to make such mistakes.”
The mother of a second-grader, who recently received a second degree in psychology, exhaled, felt her feet in soft uggs, moved her fingers and, perhaps for the first time in her life, challenged the authoritative opinion of a teacher: “I don’t want my son to be ashamed.” Familiar scene, right? It symbolizes the breaking down of tradition and the transition from a culture of shame to…. Why?
Cultures of shame and cultures of guilt
In sociology and cultural anthropology, cultures of shame and cultures of guilt are distinguished. It is believed that Eastern and Eastern European (Slavic) cultures are oriented towards shame (shame). He acts as the main regulator of behavior. In Western, primarily Protestant, cultures, there has been a transition from shame to the experience of guilt (guilt).
Shame is a really powerful tool for controlling actions. You have probably met people who are convinced that shame is the “yeast” of education. How does a little person know how to behave, if not to shame him? How can a child strive to become better if he is not ashamed?
It must be said that supporters of the educational function of shame do not mean anything bad. They are not suggesting that children be shamed for being too tall, a few extra pounds, glasses, or unfashionable sneakers. No, this is purely moral shame.
It is very easy to move from moral shame to social shame, and then to the shame that you are somehow not like that.
It’s embarrassing to take someone else’s. It’s a shame if you promised and didn’t deliver. It’s embarrassing if you lied to your mom that your stomach hurts so you can’t go to school. It’s embarrassing to be lazy. It’s embarrassing to talk. It’s a shame to cry if you are a boy. It’s a shame to walk disheveled if you’re a girl…
Can you feel how the slider moves on this scale? It is very easy to move from moral shame to social shame, and then to all-consuming shame. Just because you’re not like that.
What is the paradox and the problem of shame? Even when we are shamed for misbehavior (and indeed misbehaving), we feel that something is fundamentally wrong with us, entirely. We failed, we are not like everyone else. It’s even better if we don’t exist at all.
Burning cold shame
The Russian word “shame” is related to the words “cold” and “cold”. At the same time, for some reason, we burn with shame and sometimes call it burning. However, severe frost burns the face, and frostbite is called a cold burn.
Shame is such a burn of the soul, unbearable pain. Like a skin burn, it is very difficult to hide it (it is not for nothing that they also blush from shame).
When we are ashamed, we become surprisingly transparent, inappropriately attracting attention, too big and awkward. It seems to us that everyone is looking at us and noticing our absurdity. No wonder the synonym for this word is “shame”, which literally means “spectacle”. There is a desire to hide, to fall through the ground, not to be at all …
The English word shame, by the way, comes from an ancient root common to all Indo-European languages, which meant “to cover, close.” Recall the expression “to cover oneself with shame.” It turns out that shame is a separating feeling. In shame we are always alone.
Feel shame or listen to conscience
In Russian culture, or rather in the naive picture of the world, which is reflected in the language, shame is closely connected with conscience. “No shame, no conscience” is a stable expression that perfectly shows how close these concepts are in our tradition.
Before our very eyes, the changing attitude towards shame in society comes into conflict with the language and quite often discourages those who are accustomed to seeing shame as a universal moral regulator. Meanwhile, the very structure of the word “conscience” and its interpretation in the dictionary can provide a key to understanding the deep differences between shame and conscience. “A sense of responsibility for the actions taken” – that’s what the dictionary says.
Conscience, unlike shame, does not make us outcasts, does not separate us from others. Just the opposite
Metaphorically, we understand conscience as an internal barometer, and even as a living being within us. She prompts and even dictates to us, she has a voice, she can be stained or impure, but she can be cleansed or lightened, or she can be drowned out. And finally, you can negotiate with her.
It turns out that shame is an external adverse effect, like frost or a flame. Shame seizes us – we would like to hide and sometimes do not know where to go.
And conscience is always inside, and we are always in dialogue with it. This dialogue can be unpleasant, and conscience is not a white fluffy kitten – it can torment, torment and gnaw. And yet we are more than just conscience, because it is hidden within us. We are its masters, because we say: “my conscience.” Conscience signals that we did not do very well, but never completely rejects us.
General Knowledge
More importantly, conscience, unlike shame, does not make us outcasts, does not separate us from others. Just the opposite.
In all European languages, words with the meaning “conscience” are arranged in the same way. English conscience, French conscience, Italian conscienza, German Gewissen, and Russian “conscience” are tracings from Greek or Latin words.
The Latin conscientia (from which the corresponding words in Romance and English are derived) was itself a tracing-paper from the Greek syneidesis. All these words mean one thing – “joint knowledge”. “News” in the word “conscience” from the verb to know – to know.
If conscience is shared knowledge, then the question arises: shared with whom? You can answer it in different ways. For religious people, of course, with God. For atheists, with other people. Remember the dictionary definition? “A sense of responsibility for one’s actions.” You can answer to someone, to someone else.
Our conscience
Despite the same inner form as the words of other languages, the Russian “conscience” is unique. First of all, how freely we use this word in everyday speech. “Conscience” is an everyday word, one of the key ones for the Russian linguistic consciousness.
“You are shameless, you ate sour cream,” we say to the cat. “Well, you have a conscience to carry sweets! This is for the New Year, ”we jokingly reproach the household. We keep remembering our conscience. This does not mean, of course, that we are some particularly conscientious people. It’s just convenient for us to use this concept.
Shame, guilt, conscience
Let’s return to cultures of shame (shame) and cultures of guilt (guilt). Shame cultures are etiquette-oriented, guilt cultures are ethical. The English word guilt (namely, in English this difference of cultures was first formulated) probably goes back to the idea of duty. In any case, guilt as an acknowledgment of damage done to another, duty as a conscious responsibility, or conscience are concepts that largely ensure human coexistence.
And perhaps we are moving from a culture of total shame to a relationship of conscience. Or conscientious relationships.
About the Developer
Natalia Ivleva — linguist and psychologist, helps to cope with emotional difficulties in learning English, writes about words and their meaning. Her .