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Sometimes we notice that many do not like us, although we do not harm anyone. We are bypassed, and therefore we feel rejected and confused: what is wrong?
Just in case, we recall that it is impossible to be good for everyone. But there are relationships that are especially important for us, and for their sake it is definitely worth understanding ourselves. Perhaps something is really wrong with us, and it can be corrected.
WHAT CAN PUSH OTHERS AROUND
Blame shifting
When bad things happen, some people rush to nominate someone to blame, even if it all worked out by coincidence. Think about it, do you do the same? If so, this repels acquaintances, since unfair accusations cause outrage and protest. Finding blame is an extremely negative habit, and most people tend to avoid negativity.
In addition, by constantly blaming others, we make it clear that we are unwilling to admit our own faults. While we are choosing who to blame, precious time is wasted that could have been spent on solving the problem. But people prefer to be around those who are actively looking for a way out.
Selfishness
Before we can expect to be welcomed with open arms, we need to prove that we care about what happens to others. If you remember only about personal gain and do not give anything in return, this will certainly be noticed. Any relationship requires at least a minimal investment, so consider whether you are contributing. When two people enter into a relationship, both should by default know that they can count on each other. If there is no mutual support, there will be neither trust nor warmth. Accordingly, over time, communication will stop.
lack of empathy
Someone talks about their troubles, but we don’t care at all? So, we are clearly not friends with empathy. In other words, we do not want to listen and empathize. However, close people usually share not only joys, but also hardships among themselves. In addition, you need to want to hear about it: what if we can help with something. To understand how bad or hurt someone is, it is important to feel it. If we consider that it is not necessary to delve into other people’s problems, there is nothing to hope for universal love.
Of course, some people love us no matter what, but they also treat us with a wary, which can easily be mistaken for hostility.
The fact is that they do not have a deep connection with us, because we simply have no idea what they are going through. In difficult times, everyone needs support. It’s a surefire way to determine who really cares. One who is devoid of empathy can hardly count on sympathy.
Arrogance
Pay attention to how you communicate with others. Anyone who does not tolerate his words or deeds being discussed is clearly arrogant. Immediately dismiss any objections and consider your opinion the only true one — the same story. Such people are so confident in their rightness that they do not consider it necessary to listen to others. The first sign of arrogance is to never admit your mistakes. And also — not even in thoughts to admit that someone’s idea may be useful. Nobody likes those who behave this way.
HOW TO WIN OTHERS
Reflect
First of all, it is necessary to recognize that it is not about others. Once we admit that there is something about us that others might not like, it becomes much easier to deal with it.
Show care
When friends or loved ones are going through hard times, don’t stand by. Show that you care about them. Find out how you can help, at least just listen. Be interested in what’s new with them, how things are progressing, which they recently talked about. Do not rush to talk about yourself until they ask. They will certainly feel that you really care, that they are really loved and appreciated.
Develop Empathy
If you notice that you rarely sympathize with others, or think that such impressions are best avoided, try to change this.
Start listening to your own emotions. Then the awkwardness will disappear, and you will no longer fence yourself off from someone else’s pain, sadness, anxiety or fear. Feel free to empathize with those who feel bad. Imagine yourself in their place for a moment. After all, to show empathy means to feel the same as another feels. In words, everything seems more complicated than in reality: it is worth trying a few times, and this quality will become natural.
To begin with, observe yourself: how do you react to upset or anxious people?
Instead of getting angry or judgmental or outraged, wait a minute
And then react as if you were in the same situation. A short pause will help to subdue negative emotions and replace them with empathy. Don’t be afraid to be too vulnerable. Responsiveness and mercy are always in the price. Don’t see emotions as a weakness — see them as an opportunity to earn trust.
Be tolerant
Try to accept that you can be wrong too. That others may be right and their ideas may be better than yours. Consider other people’s opinions before categorically expressing your own, and be impartial. First, learn to listen to others. Even if you disagree with them, refrain from stinging remarks. You cannot remain silent — speak with restraint and to the point, so that the interlocutors know that they are being listened to and understood.
Be yourself but change your life
If you’ve ever noticed that people don’t like you, think about it: what if the reason is you? Suddenly something is wrong with your behavior or character? However, with positive changes, you will encounter less and less dislike. It is unlikely that everyone will rush to love you, because this is simply impossible. However, this will help earn the favor of those who are truly important to you.
Believe me, when this happens, you will become happier and will no longer feel rejected and alone. Be yourself, but change your life. Be who you are, but always try to be better. Re-read why you might be disliked and do your best to fix it.