Why might mental problems seem attractive to us?

Every fifth woman who comes to me for therapy with the request “I want to quit smoking”, to the question “When did you smoke and why?” answers: “At 13-16 years old. I wanted to seem mature and attractive, the actresses smoked so beautifully … ”The position of society has changed: alcoholism is now considered a problem, not the norm. At the same time, the image of a talented drinking artist still seems quite attractive to us.

The hero in a book or movie goes on a drinking binge because of unhappy love, and the heroine, in love and selfless, rushes to save him. In novels, such stories usually end happily, which cannot be said about life. Eric Berne in “Games People Play” describes the classic scenario in which the life of an alcoholic and his wife unfolds. He drinks, she saves him. This is how her importance grows, this is how she feels that someone needs her … However, most often the drinker continues to drink, and his partner continues to suffer. We ourselves in such a situation most of all need support, attention and care.

To be like want

The most acute tendency to imitate dependent and problematic is manifested in adolescents. The image of a bad boy who drinks alcohol, smokes cigarettes and shows signs of antisocial behavior seems especially attractive to many at this age. An adult, self-sufficient, whole personality, in external comparison, loses to an aggressive “bad guy”. He looks more confident, and it is difficult to distinguish between genuine self-confidence and compensatory aggression, which is actually characteristic of anti-heroes.

So it turns out that the “bad guys”, along with all their frustrations, become romantic heroes for girls and role models for boys.

Women often idealize appearance: models on the covers of magazines, actresses and singers seem to be not the exception, but the rule. They are unnaturally slender, but we are told that this is how everything around should look. Anorexia has become one of the most popular psychological disorders among teenagers. And if we know for sure that alcohol and cigarettes are harmful, then with eating behavior everything is not so obvious.

However, anorexia is no less dangerous. Her companions are depression, anxiety, and other psychological and mental disorders. In 5% of cases, this disorder leads to death.

Change to change your life

How to be? If the above applies to you or your loved one, here are three steps to help you on your path to healing.

• Start calling a spade a spade. The definition of “despondency” does not sound as pathetic and romantic as lovesickness. Antisocial behavior is not independence. An eating disorder is not the same as being in control. It’s hard to be so proud.
• Do you receive attention or other secondary benefits due to your own problems or the difficulties of your loved one? The first step in treating disorders is to forego these benefits. Life will become a little harder, but it will be much easier to heal the psyche.
• Set an example for your children, because this is the most important tool for learning. It makes no sense to regularly drink a glass, smoke and expect children to be “the best version of you.” No, it’s the other way around. For parents, alcoholism is the norm, which means it is also for the child.