Until recently, he spent all his free time with you, and now he suddenly has urgent business. He moves away, you see each other less often. At the beginning of a relationship, women often mistake this for a loss of interest. And they may be wrong.
“The first months of our acquaintance, I felt how passionate he was about me,” says Tatyana. — Constantly arranged pleasant surprises and could not wait for the next meeting. And now a wave of work has covered him, we meet less often. When I directly asked if he wanted to continue the relationship, he replied that nothing had changed. He’s just going through a stressful period right now.»
“Men are biologically predisposed to focus on the single most important task,” explains cognitive therapist Marina Myaus. — This does not mean that you have become less interesting to him. He believes that nothing threatens your relationship, and another, more relevant goal at that moment, captured his attention.
The woman perceives this as an unexpected chill, begins to feel insecure and asks questions — am I still dear to him? There is a desire to punish the partner, and often she begins to behave like a passive aggressor, not revealing feelings and experiences, but trying to take revenge with demonstrative inattention.
The situation is getting more and more confused. People are still dear to each other, but they do not understand the partner’s motivation very well.
Unlike women, men do not often see their mission in relationships and family.
Usually much remains unsaid.
“If a man succeeds, he is often full of energy and ready to share it,” says the expert. — Problems begin when there are obstacles on the way to fulfilling his «male mission», namely, most men see it in the field of their professional activity. All his energy is directed to eliminating them as soon as possible.
Unlike many (but not all, of course) women, men do not often see their mission in relationships and family. Relationships for them are often more about joy and pleasure, which should not distract from the main thing. A man may consider you the most precious thing he has, but when he is absorbed in solving business problems, you may not feel it.
What to do? You can hate a man for this and delete him from life. And you can take it for granted and use it for the good of the relationship.
“If you start to reproach him or punish him with demonstrative inattention, he receives a signal: you are not on his side and relations with you require too much emotional cost,” the psychologist explains. — And he tries to save energy and concentrates on solving business problems. Let him feel that with you he can be himself and you are always ready to listen to him.
How to start a conversation? Although men have a need to share their experiences, it can be difficult for them to talk about it. Patience and sensitive questions are needed to show your interest. Do not interrupt or push, do not try to give advice and help practically resolve the situation. By doing this, you deny him the ability to cope with difficulties on his own, that is, you question his masculinity.
What to talk about? Your interlocutor, most likely, will describe the situation without touching on experiences. “It’s hard for men to start talking about feelings,” recalls Marina Myaus. Try to ask sensitive indirect questions and use the word “important” more often: “How did you feel during that important conversation with the boss?” If you say it in the context of the problem that the partner is solving, he begins to perceive you as his close ally, who understands the significance of what is happening.
After the conversation, give the man the opportunity to be alone. This is necessary to understand yourself and solve the problem. “If he can count on your understanding, he will return,” says the psychologist. “And he will make you feel that you are dear to him and that he appreciates your delicacy.”