“Real guys don’t cry”, “it’s important to deal with the problem yourself.” These attitudes, with which boys grow up, prevent them from building strong relationships with women in the future. And men themselves often regret it.
Sincerity is not a weakness, but a strength. This is true for both women and men.
Alex came to me complaining that in the last five years his emotional and sexual connection with his wife had faded away. He admitted that the cooling pushed him to cheat, but he still wanted to save the relationship.
We discussed how and why his marriage has reached an impasse and what he is willing to do to make a difference. He had every opportunity and, it seemed, determination. However, when we met a month later, he still hadn’t taken those steps. A year later, he admitted: his wife filed for divorce. It turned out to be a difficult event for which he was not prepared.
Our inner growth is manifested not in the absence of life’s problems, but in the ability to solve them.
Max ran into the same problems. Before coming to me, he tried to influence the situation himself and, although his attempts were unsuccessful, he continued to fight for the relationship.
The first meeting was very different from the conversation with Alex. He did not complain about his wife and circumstances, but sincerely sought a way out of the situation. He adopted those discoveries that were born during the conversation.
Five months later, he confessed to me that he felt happy again with the woman he loved. They went on romantic trips twice. He literally found a second wind: he decided to open his own business and implement ideas that previously seemed too complicated.
What helped Max to change the relationship in marriage and what prevented Alex? Over the years of coaching a huge number of men, I realized that those who do not surrender to the will of circumstances have much in common.
The ability to ask for help. This is the weakest point of men. Especially when it comes to deeply personal experiences. Many are not only not ready to ask for help, but also find it difficult to admit to themselves that they have problems. I have met those who denied them even in the face of divorce and loss of family.
Asking for support is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Our inner growth is manifested not in the absence of life’s problems, but in the ability to solve them. In sports, no athlete would achieve his achievements alone. Behind each was a team of people who supported him. Each of us needs such like-minded people.
Trust your intuition. The men I worked with never changed their lives just as a result of our meetings and advice from outside. They did not confine themselves to conversations and gave themselves the trouble to analyze what led their relationship to a dead end.
These people did not expect proven recipes that can be obtained from outside, but were looking for their own ways. They understood that no psychologist or devoted friend could do for you what you have to do for yourself. Live, feel, get sick and find the strength to move on.
Men who know how to be sincere feel much more confident and happier.
Emotional openness. The biological function of emotions is to lead us to actions that help maintain physical and psychological health. However, here men have nothing to brag about — they are still not ready to share feelings and prefer to keep them in themselves. The pernicious attitude “boys don’t cry” is still strong, which breaks the lives of many generations of the stronger sex.
Relationships as a couple should help us discover ourselves and receive support. Men who know how to be sincere feel much more confident and happier.
Your relationship deserves no less than a car. Think about how often you send the car for maintenance, change the oil and tires. But when it comes to relationships, most ignore breakdowns that need attention for years. It is not surprising that sooner or later this complex mechanism refuses to work.
Women are more acutely aware of the need for change and give signals of trouble. Perhaps the wife tried to talk to you, but chose “not the best time” for this. The books and articles that she offered seemed meaningless to you, and even going to a specialist was just a mockery. A real man will figure everything out himself, you thought.
If you gave more strength and energy to the car than to your relationship with your beloved woman, it is not surprising that they broke down from your indifference.