We need to feel that we are in control of our lives. But sooner or later everyone finds himself in a situation that he is not able to influence. Illness, old age – is it possible to prepare yourself for the circumstances when you have to trust another to take care of yourself? Yes, for this you need to open up to your helplessness, explore it, the author of the book “A Year of Life” Steven Levin is sure. We have read the book for you and share its main ideas.
“It’s hard for me to ask for help, especially men!..” “I’m used to the fact that my problems are only my problems, why bother someone? After all, people have enough to do.” “Mom is sick, hardly goes outside, but categorically forbids me to take care of her. If I bring her food and medicine, she gets angry and refuses to take it.” Such confessions are not uncommon.
It is extremely difficult for many to accept someone else’s help. When we allow a stranger, even a wife or son, to take care of us, we feel that we are no longer completely our own.
Part of our resistance is due to family or cultural traditions: since childhood, phrases like “Adult man (adult woman) should (must) do everything on their own” have not been taught how to accept help. Something in us believes that it is easier to serve others than to be the object of care ourselves and sign our own helplessness.
How to keep an open heart, honestly admit that help is needed, and calmly accept it?
But in order for the feeling of powerlessness not to become dimensionless and turn life into a nightmare, you need to open up to your helplessness and explore it, says Stephen Levin.
We always have a choice. “We may feel helpless, but we never really are,” the author explains. “We can always be gentle, surrender to what is happening and participate in reality to the best of our ability. We are unlikely to be able to control the situation, but we may be able to partly abandon the resistance that turns the situation from difficult to unbearable.
How do you keep an open heart, honestly admit that help is needed, and calmly accept it when you no longer have the strength to act on your own? Learn to be helpless, Stephen Levin suggests and recommends several exercises.
1. Walk with your eyes closed. Let someone you trust guide you around the house while blindfolded. Watch for feelings of distrust and fear. Then do this exercise on your own, walk alone blindfolded throughout the apartment.
2. Let the other lead the dance. Sign up for a trial lesson in tango or another pair dance. Follow your partner in all movements. This exercise will help you see how dependent you are on control. It will be difficult if you do not relax the abdominal muscles and surrender to the dance completely.
3. Trust others in small things. Put your hands down and let another feed or clothe (change) you. Watch the frustration build, but don’t raise your hands.
4. Stop acting completely. Spend one day or most of it doing nothing. No economic and creative affairs. Watch how the mind, devoid of stimuli, becomes restless. Relax your stomach and surrender to the flow of time.
These exercises will help us sometimes “let go” and admit that we are not perfect. Relax more and trust others, realizing that we cannot act alone and need each other. When we agree to be weak, it becomes easier for us to communicate with people – after all, we no longer need to hide anything from them.
About the author: Steven Levin (1937–2016) was a poet, philosopher, meditation teacher, and author of several books including A Year of Life (Ganga, 2016).