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Why kids are lazy: 5 revelations that parents won’t like
Listening to the conversations of parents, especially mothers, we often hear: “And my lazy man! I don’t know what to do! ” And this capacious word includes the following: he does not study well, does not try, does not want to help around the house, refuses to go to the music school (sports section, to additional classes), the child is not interested in much, he postpones the correction of grades for later, etc. But what if children’s laziness is not laziness at all, but something else? How do you like that opinion? Are you ready to hear about yourself and not about the child?
You have high demands, the child responds with resistance
Laziness is generally easier to name what psychology calls resistance. You tell the student that he is lazy, which means that there is someone who condemns it, and someone who is the culprit. Thus, it is much easier to transfer responsibility for child resistance onto the child himself, to call him a lazy person, to blame him and not to understand what exactly his passive behavior is connected with. You demand certain behavior, fulfillment of obligations, good schooling, quick success, and you compare your child to more successful children. Your pressure and desire to transform the child into someone else is stressful. The child’s psyche is designed in such a way that it automatically tries to preserve its own “I”. He gives up, becomes passive and indifferent to many things. But this is not laziness. Not at all.
What to do: slow down the pressure and speed. Show your child an example of unconditional love. “We love you not for something, you have the right to make mistakes, we are always there!” And gradually seek together the direction in which the child can get a good result. Secure it. After all, it is on positive experience that all the results and the ability to move forward, no matter what, are based in the future.
No motivation – no reaction
On the example of the school. Who told you that a child is born with already formed educational motivation? Most modern educational institutions are very weak in this issue. The teacher dissuaded his subject, asked a homework assignment, took the answer at the blackboard. When adults create a developmental and creative environment that is ideal for every child, the desire to learn increases. Interest and involvement in the subject is shown.
If the learning process is boring, indifferent, monotonous, your child simply will not respond to all this action with interest
What will he do? Move away from what he doesn’t like. That’s the whole answer. And is this laziness?
What to do: motivate! If lessons are unified at school, create a learning environment at home. Free online tutorials have appeared on the Internet. Buy interesting books, do extra work, watch tutorials. And watch the child’s reaction.
Lazy kids are kids with low self-esteem
Disbelief in oneself leads to a refusal to act. Don’t mistake this for laziness. In fact, parents, who often themselves have not realized something in life, are very critical of the child, “reflect” him mainly from the point of view of the negative and point out his shortcomings. The child thinks that he is always and in any situation not the right one. And since he is not like that, then there is no need to try.
What to do: A child should not try to please adults. This is not the right motivation. Always and in everything, the student should have a positive feedback. The parent must give him a positive assessment if the child deserves it.
Or maybe the child is stressed?
Every child has a basic need to feel safe. When parents are there to help their son or daughter understand that they will always protect and solve many problems, it is very important. But sometimes this protection is only within the walls of the hearth. “You yourself must resolve this conflict at school!”, “I will not interfere with your problems with teachers!” Strong experiences, fear, shame, tension inhibit the child’s psyche, take away both strength and the ability to think at the right pace. Therefore, the student may look tired and asthenic. He quickly loses touch with the teacher in class. After school, he immediately goes to bed and does not get enough sleep, gets up in the broken morning. He cannot complete his homework in full and sometimes just sits over a textbook. And this is not laziness at all …
What to do: in this case, it is worth talking to him about his fears and worries associated with the school. Find out what the main problem is, exclude bullying (aggressive persecution of one of the team members by the rest of the team members or part of it). And deal with this situation together.
Doing nothing … is a must for a child!
Before calling your child a lazy person, think about it. Look into his room and ask what he is doing. It is possible that he has something to do, and not the worst. He can compose music, poetry, hatch a performance plan at school. Set clear boundaries if things need to be done on time. Boundaries are very important for the student. But! And now you will be surprised. Doing nothing is a child’s way to relax, be with himself, organize his thoughts and put them in the right boxes in his head. He needs to digest what he saw and learned. This is an absolutely necessary skill – to freeze for a moment in order to know yourself, to be able to listen to yourself. If you allow this process to be present in the child’s life, it will teach him to retain the necessary energy of creation.
What to do: take a closer look, see what the child needs. Give him the opportunity to be with him. This is the golden time of children’s sacrament, when your son or daughter learns to lead a monologue about his life and perceive it as pleasant moments of relaxation. And not to hear the constant: “You are lazy and do something already!”