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Most of all, in a relationship, men are afraid to say that it’s time to leave. They are ready to go to any lengths so that the woman herself understands this. We have compiled a collection of signals sent by fans to leave «in English». And the Gestalt therapist explained why men avoid talking and what a woman should do.
If the man we love tries to say goodbye to us without words, we refuse to believe that his changed behavior means that the relationship has come to an end. What signs can be considered alarming «bells»?
He calls less
The temptation is great to write off this alarming signal, because he once admitted to you that he does not like to hang on the phone for a long time. True, this did not stop him before.
He writes less
You find an explanation for this too: the first «honeymoon» of communication has passed, and he does not need to fight for your location. You convince yourself that you shouldn’t expect the same intensity of attention from him. Although you have every right to do so!
His messages have lost their warmth
At the beginning of the relationship, he did not skimp on the gentle words and emoticons that you received throughout the day. However, now, when you tell him that you miss the old signs of attention, he reports that he is not prone to sentimentality. And you agree again, although deep down you understand that something has broken between you.
He is very busy at work
He suddenly has urgent business. And you even rejoice — this explains the lack of calls, messages and canceled weekend plans. He has an important project and a lot of stress at work. And you, as a true friend, support him. After all, he is working for your future.
He has family problems
After his divorce, the children suffer, and he is forced to constantly pay attention to them. All his elderly relatives are endlessly ill. In a word, he is a responsible and very tired person, going through a difficult period in his life.
He is ill
He gets tired at work and makes superhuman efforts to deal with family concerns, and this is the result. He was completely exhausted. And you must understand him again, without demanding too much (it is better to delete yourself from his life altogether).
He no longer attaches importance to appearance (when meeting you)
You notice this, and you feel embarrassed for your thoughts: “It’s difficult for him now, am I demanding too much?” Although it is high time to ask yourself another question: “What am I still doing with this person?”
Why do men leave in English?
Usually a man is more activity oriented than talking. It is easier for a woman to accept the situation through discussion, and she, based on her experience, expects the same from a man. When faced with silence, she feels resentful and disoriented.
As a rule, a man survives stress better alone, immersed in activities. He changes his behavior in response to environmental changes, not conversations. And subconsciously expects the same reaction from the woman: «You see, I do not meet your request, let’s you silently leave me and find another.»
In addition, in our realities, a boy has been surrounded by adult women since childhood: a kindergarten teacher, a school teacher, a doctor in a clinic, who have some power over him and cause trouble. The very idea of talking and sorting out the relationship looks doubly stressful.
As a rule, he has less experience of benevolent discussion of situations than negative
People tend to avoid trouble, including encounters with an enemy who is superior in strength. The average woman will always talk over the average man, so it is wise not to enter into such a confrontation.
What to do to the woman?
“It is important to learn how to talk while you are in a good relationship,” advises Natalia Artsybasheva, a Gestalt therapist. Let it be a little, but regularly. To make it a habit, not a stress. If a couple has a tradition of peacefully and constructively discussing negative experiences and claims against each other, then the chance to learn something from a partner personally, and not “by default”, increases. If he has disappeared and avoids explanations, the most important thing is to take care of yourself.
Does not go out to talk — write a letter, it is not so emotionally charged, you can read it when you gather your courage. There is no way to send a letter — write it for yourself. It is more useful to express your feelings on paper than to constantly twist them in your head. Whoever leaves you, the main thing is that you remain true to yourself.