When choosing clothes, we always feel the material, get to know each other, evaluate the strength of the handshake, or with interest look for points of maximum purring on the cat. What does physical contact mean to us?
Everyone has touches that he remembers: a snowball, a hot cup of tea, or the hugs of loved ones. Millions of skin receptors help us collect information about the world around us – temperature, density and vibration.
One awkward touch forever makes you understand the difference between hot and warm. A particularly large number of receptors are located on the lips and fingertips. That is why the first kiss, though not always the best, but unforgettable.
Memory and affection
When we take a thing in hand, we imprint its properties in memory. This was confirmed by the following experiment.1: Volunteers were asked to feel an object that they did not see, such as a pencil. Then they were asked to choose among several pencils the one they touched. Volunteers guessed the subject in 94% of cases immediately after the first test. But even a week later, 84% of the participants recognized “their” subject.
Touching others and allowing yourself to be touched is not only pleasant, but also beneficial. Massage helps reduce pain, even chronic pain, and improves immunity. Gentle, soft touch stimulates the release of hormones like dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, experiments have shown.2conducted at the Touch Research Institute in Miami. And these hormones, in turn, allow us to feel affection and calm next to a partner – and to convey these feelings to him. The reverse is also true: no touching, no attachment.
Back in 1959, American psychologist Harry Harlow conducted a world-famous experiment with monkeys that showed how important physical contact is in the relationship between mother and baby.
The psychologist assembled two mannequins designed to replace the monkeys’ mothers: one made of stiff wire and with a nipple to which milk was supplied, and the second made of soft plush with a heater that maintains a temperature close to body temperature.
As we grow older, touch still reduces anxiety and makes us feel safe.
The cubs approached the wire dummy exclusively for food, but they looked for protection and guardianship only from a warm “mother”. If the warm mannequin was removed, then in this case the monkeys did not run to the wire mannequin: they simply froze in place.
However, the heat was not enough: when the “children of dummies” grew up, it was difficult for them to interact with other representatives of the species, and the females did not know how to calm and lull their cubs, they had no one to learn from.
We humans share the need for touch with our primate relatives. Babies held longer and more tenderly by their mothers experienced more secure attachment than those held reluctantly. And as we get older, touch still reduces anxiety and makes us feel safe.3.
How touching!
We say “we were touched” and “we are touched” when we describe emotional experiences. With touch, we can really convey our feelings directly. Probably, we all know that a hand on the shoulder calms better than the phrase “I’m always there.” Why?
“Because the physical body is present here and now. We feel touches immediately, they do not pass through the filters of the mind, ”explains body-oriented psychotherapist Alena Sagadeeva. When we are touched, we immediately feel that we are being taken care of, and not just being polite. Touch affects the willingness to share resources.
If the waiter momentarily touches the shoulder or palm of the customer, then this action on average increases the size of the tip by 20-30%, as shown by an experiment conducted by April Krasko and Christopher Wetzel4 in US bars.
The habit of paying with cards has protected us from this method of manipulation, but subsequent research has shown that after physical contact we are more likely to agree to participate in volunteer programs, sign a petition, or help find a lost dog.
Substitute shoulder
But not all physical contact is pleasant for us. Touches differ in the degree of intimacy: touching the forearm can express sympathy even for a new acquaintance, but hugs suggest an established connection. An uninvited touch by a stranger or touching taboo areas (groin for both sexes, breasts for women) will be perceived as a threat or an invasion of personal space.
“It often happens that we want to touch someone, for example, to console, and it seems that he wants to be touched: we project our own desire onto him,” Alena Sagadeeva warns. “So if you’re not sure, it’s best to ask. Perhaps the interlocutor will refuse, but at the same time he will know that you are ready to help.
Until the XNUMXst century, socially acceptable non-erotic contact was very limited in European society. For men, for example, a firm manly handshake was almost the only option available.
Now touches on the forearms, shoulders and back are increasingly being added to the classic formula, and friendly hugs no longer shock anyone. But in everyday life, we still try to make contact only with the upper body, although, as Alena Sagadeeva says, “full contact is much more pleasant and effective.”
During the pandemic, many of us have been deprived of physical contact with others and have been surprised to find that we miss being touched.
Body at a distance
Sometimes our own choice deprives us of bodily contact. With the development of technology, we are increasingly using ways to communicate in which it is impossible: Skype, WhatsApp, Tinder … They give us the advantage of “our own land” – getting to know another in a safe environment.
“At the first personal meeting, this feeling persists and makes communication easier,” says psychotherapist Irina Pervushina. “But closeness still requires physical contact. If the partners had physical contact earlier, then the memory of it remains for a long time.”
We write to each other “I hug, kiss”, for some time this is enough. However, lack of bodily interaction with others can lead to sleep and appetite disturbances and loss of contact with one’s own body.
What to do if touch is not enough? For example, join communities where physical contact is accepted. These are dance or sports sections and body clubs, where, under the guidance of a body-oriented therapist, you can get “hugs” and a variety of interaction experiences with others.
If it is difficult to leave the house, you can try self-massage. Irina Pervushina suggests practicing conscious touch as an exploration: “Try to figure out how the body meets touch. What intensity of touch do you want? What touches are pleasant or, on the contrary, cause discomfort? Or you can pick up the tension, figure out where the contact is missing the most, and focus on those places.”
Optimum speed
We know how to touch others. Moreover, we unconsciously guess which of our movements will give pleasure to another: their speed is 1-10 cm per second. In an experiment with 60 participants (29 men and 31 women), it was found that when touching people, especially relatives, the subjects chose the speed for the “touched” regardless of their own preferences.6. And when they were offered to iron artificial objects, the speed increased. It seems that we are not very willing to stroke objects, although we are ready to accept their “care”: touches similar to those used in massage or hugging are perceived as pleasant, even if we are being touched by a car and not by another person7.
1 F. Hutmacher, C. Kuhbandner Long-Term Memory for Haptically Explored Objects… Psychol Sci. 2018 Dec; 29 (12).
2 Massage therapy research Dev Rev, 27 (1), 2007.
3 Lending a Hand Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat (Coan, Schaefer, & Davidson, 2006).
4 H. Crusco et al. The Midas Touch/: The Effects of Interpersonal Touch on Restaurant Tipping. Person. and Soc. Psych. Bulletin, April, 1984.
5 J. Child Calming effects of deep touch pressure in patients with autistic disorder… Psychopharmacol, 2 (1), 1992.
6 T. Strauss et al. The Influence of Emotional Closeness… Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, vol. 44, 2020.
7 LK Case et al. Pleasant Deep Pressure… Neuroscience, 6, August 2020.