Why… is it so difficult to talk about violence?

THIS IS NOT USED TO TALK ABOUT

The topic is taboo in a society based on violence

All types of violence are interconnected, psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya is sure – violence against children, against women, state violence. “The more violence is accepted as the norm, the higher the risks for all groups of citizens,” she emphasizes. – There is a lot of violence in our society, it largely rests on violence, which means that this topic is taboo. Victims must remain silent, witnesses must avert their eyes.”

I’M AFRAID OF JUDGMENT

Men interpret women’s confessions as accusations against them

In a society like ours, the only acceptable response to violence is identification with aggressor and transferring responsibility to the victim, they say, she is to blame, says Lyudmila Petranovskaya: “Or, in a slightly milder version, an attempt to make herself a victim (“Yes, the women themselves mock us as they want!”). Many interpret women’s confessions as an accusation against them and desperately defend themselves, insulting the victims and not even understanding this, because they themselves are scared and offended.

I WANT TO FORGET

Storytelling generates re-experience

Viktor Kagan is surprised by the attitude of those who see harm and malicious intent in the public confessions of victims of sexual violence or harassment. “It is surprising, as it would be surprising for a therapist to say to a patient: “Why are you saying this?! What the hell are you talking about?!!” he comments. “Yes, saying ‘to the city and the world’ is not at all what it is to a therapist at a reception.”

“However, the speaker needs to be understood, accepted. Heard not only by others, but also by yourself. And for this you need to gain strength to speak. Yes, it’s not without risk,” Viktor Kagan notes. But psychotherapy is not without risk. Ultimately, this re-experiencing is more productive than trying to silence or erase the traumatic event from memory.

IT WILL NOT CHANGE ANYTHING

No experience in dealing with violence

“We don’t have the baggage of social technologies. No one knows what to do with it, no one believes that something can be changed, so it’s better not to know and not to hear, ”says Lyudmila Petranovskaya. Where to go and what to do? Can a rapist be punished?

Psychotherapist Victor Kagan believes that psychologists could connect to discussions on social networks, accompany comments: “Prevent discussions from sliding into war, remind those who may need help of their existence, and not condemn its participants.”

In a healthy society, victims of sexual violence do not need to be prepared to be attacked and judged. They are sure of support and help and that their offender will suffer a well-deserved punishment.