Why is it so difficult for empaths to love themselves?

How do you know if you are a true empath? Chances are, you’re constantly worrying, caring, worrying, or worrying about everyone and everything (or, as some people you know say, take everything too personally).

You give a lot to others – sometimes all of yourself, without a trace. You have good intuition and understand how others feel. And you love with all your heart – everyone, but … not yourself.

Answer honestly – do you take care of yourself? Are you okay with your feelings? Do you act according to your desires? You have so much love, but how do you spend it? Is there anything left for you?

You may be giving your love to people who don’t deserve it or you. Manipulators or those who “feed” on your energy, people who are emotionally closed and confused in themselves.

There is something about you that makes others reach out to you – perhaps what they intuitively feel: if something happens, you will not refuse help, put them in a priority, rush to solve their problems even to the detriment of yourself.

You put all your strength into relationships with others, sometimes leaving nothing for yourself. In a word, if you are an empath, it is very difficult for you to love, accept and appreciate yourself – you want others to do it for you.

And in this case, it is very important for you to finally understand the simple truth: there is no selfishness in self-love. After all, how can you take care of yourself if you’re constantly at zero? So take care of yourself.

About the body – eat right, get enough sleep, drink plenty of clean water, play sports, take relaxing baths, go for a massage. About your soul and psyche – meditate, do not neglect the services of psychologists, if necessary, do not forget about your hobbies and interests.

Forgive yourself and give yourself a break. Stop investing in those who might not be worth you. Direct this energy to yourself.

“You can help others only if you yourself are in a state of fullness”

Victoria Ivannikova, clinical psychologist

The level of empathy, that is, the ability to understand and live the states and emotions of another person, to empathize with them, is different for everyone. Such susceptibility, for some more, for some less intense, is due to several factors, the key of which are:

• Congenital predisposition We are all born with a certain type of nervous system and with thresholds of its sensitivity, which allow us to respond to the signals of other people. That is, some of us are simply born more susceptible to the condition of others.
• Wednesday. Even a stable and not particularly receptive nervous system can be brought into a state of over-sensitivity to the emotions of another. This happens if the parent is not included in the care of the baby emotionally and does not pay due attention to his emotional state, and also reacts to different situations unpredictably and unstable. In this case, the child is forced to adapt to the moods and states of the main adult and grows up with the skill to capture the minimal bodily manifestations of others, to determine their feelings and internal state from them.

That is why highly empathic people find it difficult to love and appreciate themselves: they are used to putting the condition of others in a priority, adjusting to it, and not dealing with their own feelings. Once upon a time, in childhood, this strategy justified itself: the life of a child depended on it. But even growing up, empaths do their best to improve the life of another person, sacrificing themselves in the process.

The first thing you need to understand in order to change this state of affairs is that we have long been adults, and our own emotional state and caring for it is our personal responsibility. Loving yourself means knowing your true desires and needs and choosing to satisfy them, rather than the needs of other people.

Make a choice for yourself

What exactly can be done? Here are a few steps to help you start prioritizing yourself.

1. Make it a habit to ask yourself 10 times a day, “What do I really want right now?” – and follow the response. Start with the little things: tea or coffee? Lie down or take a walk? Watch the news or not? So you learn to realize your desires and satisfy them. And when once again you are going to get involved in the situation and needs of another person, stop and ask yourself: is this exactly what I want most of all now? What happens if I choose myself?

2. Learn to say “no” in cases where you are uncomfortable, or do not want to, or there is no way to help another and alleviate his condition. Believe me, he will find other ways to get help, and you will not suffer by giving the last resource to someone, but not to yourself.

3. Allow yourself to be “uncomfortable”not meeting the expectations of others. The expectations of others are their responsibility, you do not have to meet them 100%, unless it is a specific agreement. Try to finally believe that you will not become bad because at some point you chose yourself.

4. Choose Your Environment Carefully, which will treat with respect and acceptance to any of your choices and will not abuse your responsiveness. Surrounding yourself with understanding people is also part of taking care of yourself.

Most likely, at first it will not be easy for you to refuse others, to keep boundaries, to choose yourself and your desires, but gradually it will start to get better and better. In difficult moments, support yourself in the same way and with such words as you would support a loved one. Write yourself notes with encouraging phrases, please yourself with pleasant little things for overcoming the fear of saying “no” or exercising your right to “want” instead of “must”.

Keep a journal in which every day you will thank and praise yourself for new achievements in self-care. Mark in it every, even the smallest, victory over yourself and praise yourself for it.

Remember: you can help others only if you yourself are in a state of fullness, otherwise it is not useful for both parties.