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New relationships need not only to be started, but also to contribute, to accept such from a partner, in order to make them long-lasting and happy. Healthy and thoughtful relationships are quite a trend. We tell you how to build them
Am I ready for a new connection?
Anna Iovine in Mashable says that the first question to ask yourself is: is it worth starting a new relationship now? Only you can answer it. And it doesn’t matter what your inner circle says about it.
Kiana Reeves, Somatic Sex Instructor and Head of Advertising at Foria:
“While you are thinking about your readiness, think about what gives you pleasure in terms of self-love, but also do not forget other pleasant activities, such as meeting friends and spending time with family.”
Joe Kort, MD, sexologist and co-director of medical school Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, advises against starting dating someone just because it’s wrong to be alone or being alone doesn’t fit your lifestyle. It also debunks two myths in the field of romantic relationships. According to the first, you need to wait for the memory of the old relationship to be erased before entering into a new one. Joe Court advises relying solely on yourself and your feelings.
According to the second myth, you should start a relationship after you have fully “recovered”. If time is needed, especially if your past relationship has been painful or humiliating, wait as long as necessary. But if you are unbearable, then act.
But still, a good sign of readiness for a new, conscious and harmonious relationship is the absence of the so-called “emotional baggage”. It is necessary to draw conclusions and get rid of jealousy, tension, aggression or attachment to a former partner.
Tatyana Bartyuk, founder of the HIGH TOUCH relationship agency:
“Create an image of a new relationship, determine what is important to you in a new partner, and then think about where you could potentially meet such people. The social circle should not be limited only to home and work, so building a personal brand, networking and creating a new social environment is very important. From this moment, dating-life begins.
Understand the reasons that make you start a romantic relationship. “This should not be a relationship because of revenge or because of a desire to drown out the pain from a previous relationship, but there should be a sincere desire. And most importantly, past experience cannot be brought into new relationships, 90% of people make this mistake, ”says Eduard Mavlyutov, psychologist, founder of the Puzzles School of Psychology.
“You must be willing to offer a long-term relationship and accept such an offer from another. The word “long-term” is the key here,” adds practicing psychologist Yulia Kuzmenko.
How to build new relationships?
A break between relationships is very useful, because at this time you can move away from old experiences, reconnect with yourself, understand what you really want from life and from relationships.
Determine for yourself whether you are looking for a long-term relationship or a fleeting romance? A clear understanding of the purpose will help you navigate the question of how you want to communicate. Seriousness can also help you determine the qualities you are looking for in another person.
“Whether you have a goal or not, start slowly. You don’t have to set up five first dates in one week,” advise Nikki Coleman, a graduate psychologist and relationship specialist, and Joe Court. “You don’t need to achieve unrealistic goals at all. Relationships are not built overnight, even in the case of immediate sympathy, ”says Kiana Reeves,
Tatyana Bartyuk:
“It is better to go on a date, tuned in to a pleasant acquaintance and pastime, and not from a state of feverish search and desire to please. There is also a second date rule: if after the first meeting a person did not find serious reasons why he did not like his counterpart, it is recommended to go on a second date. As a rule, at the first meeting, people make hasty conclusions, while you need to give yourself and a potential partner more time.
“Checklist” of confidence and security
When entering into a new relationship, psychologists advise compiling and fulfilling a conditional “checklist” in order to feel as confident and safe as possible:
- To work out past relationships, remove all the pain, realize the lessons and draw the right conclusions. A psychologist can help with this so that in a new relationship you do not live through the old scenarios.
- Get to know your new partner as best as possible, talk about frank topics. Thanks to this, you can understand whether the values uXNUMXbuXNUMXbare the same or not.
- If there are topics and issues on which views turned out to be different, listen to yourself and answer the question of whether you are ready for compromises.
- Be yourself. When we put on masks, a partner falls in love with a mask that will fall off sooner or later, which means that someone may be disappointed.
- Pay attention to how the new partner relates not only to you, but also to others, to himself.
- Set boundaries for yourself and your partner. For example, going on only one date a week or not texting a potential partner all day.
Yulia Balmina, co-author of the psychological novel about relationships “What it’s like to see you every day”:
“When communicating on a dating site, it is better to move as quickly as possible to a personal meeting, and in a public place. Feel free to ask questions about work and personal life. Pay attention to how your partner behaves, if there are any time limits for calls, whether he introduces you to family and friends.”
Sex with a new partner
Traditional romantic relationships usually involve sex, and there’s a lot of debate about when it’s okay to start it off with a new couple.
Kiana Reeves advises setting the same pace for sex as for dating: ask yourself what intimacy is for you. Deal with this before you are alone with your partner. “There are no rules in this matter. The main criterion can only be your desire. Enter into an intimate relationship only if you really want it, and not out of fear that if you refuse, the person will run away from you, ”says Yulia Kuzmenko.
But if you feel ready for intimacy, Keana Reeves advises getting ready. Gather contraceptives and everything you need for maximum comfort. Be sure to discuss the limits with your new partner. Do not be ashamed to ask him for a certificate of the absence of STDs.
“Sometimes questions of sex and discussing them at this stage cause a feeling of embarrassment. But it means that you are not indifferent, which is a good sign that there is an honest conversation and getting to know each other,” says Kiana Reeves.
Where to find a partner
Where you find your man doesn’t really matter. However, the best platform is the real world. Go to people to start communicating with a living person and immediately understand whether you need it or not.
Of course, in our time of gadgets, any dating site or social network is also suitable for finding a new partner. Although, it is better to use “profile” resources, since people register on social networks for communication or networking, and in dating applications – with a more “narrow” goal of finding a couple.
Natalya Krasilnikova, a representative of the dating site Mamba, notes that any well-known dating application has a column and a “dating purpose” filter. It can be marriage, relationships, flirting, friendship, travel together, correspondence and sports.
In general, on every dating site you can find a partner for both long and short term. The most famous among them:
- Pure is a dating site for finding a sexual partner (it is positioned as an application “without shame and obligations”).
- Mamba is a classic dating, looking for a partner for various relationships.
- Teamo – dating for finding a serious relationship. Here, the approach to dating is somewhat different: the user can undergo psychological testing and, based on the results, a pair will be selected for him;
- Tinder – does not have filters by goals, geo, interests, age, etc. Dating is based on a simple swipe mechanic and you can find out about the purpose of dating from personal correspondence or from the description of the profile, but in most cases it is missing;
- Lovina is a dating site from the creators of the VKontakte social network.