Why is it bad to judge others?

We all make negative judgments sometimes. A cruel voice in my head says: “she has such an ugly haircut”, “what a terrible dress this actress has”, “what a bitch”, “it looks like they are unhappy together.” This voice forces you to express negative opinions on topics you don’t know much about, leave nasty comments under blog posts and Instagram (an extremist organization banned in Russia), condemn a friend’s actions without listening to her point of view, and spread gossip behind other people’s backs.

Of course, it is impossible not to make judgments at all. You have to be able to tell the good from the bad and feel strong enough to fight for the good when something wrong happens. We need to know what we like and dislike, and what values ​​are important. There is a limit beyond which judgment turns into condemnation. If the first contributes to positive changes, then the second carries excessive criticism, which does not help, but harms.

Why is it bad to judge?

Judgments have negative consequences. They interfere with problem solving, hurt the feelings of others, and hurt self-esteem and hinder happiness. We tell our teenage daughter that the mean comments other girls make come from envy and insecurity. But we do not notice that sometimes we ourselves behave like evil girls. And this is also related to our insecurity.

When we make useless, hurtful remarks, it only exacerbates the problems at hand. We end up judging people so often that it becomes difficult for us to be grateful. By depriving us of this feeling, the habit of judgment undermines our happiness and well-being. Research shows that judging others negatively affects self-esteem. If we criticize others, we criticize ourselves, even more severely. Accepting and appreciating the good in others helps us to accept and appreciate the good in ourselves.

How to stop judging?

To stop making negative, damaging judgments, you need to learn to recognize the difference between ordinary opinion and judgment, and then develop a less judgmental view of the world. The following seven steps will help you with this:

1. Get to know the person you are judging

When evaluating the actions of another person, you need to understand his worldview and the history of the past. If you judge a person based on values, consider whether those values ​​are absolute or relative. If the actions of another person go against your values, this does not mean that they are wrong. Perhaps this person has other values ​​that make him do such things.

2. Think about the consequences

If you realize that your comment may offend the other person, think about how to reformulate it. It is necessary that he become useful, and not only help you assert yourself at his expense. It is especially worth thinking about the consequences of the judgments that we express in social networks. It’s one thing to write a post about a celebrity’s ugly dress, and another to draw public attention to a cruel or unfair act. Both reflect your opinion. But in the first case, you encourage the development of a cruel society of «evil girls», and in the second, you change people’s minds, which can lead to positive changes in society.

3. Focus on a specific situation

Research shows that judgment often emphasizes individual traits of a person’s personality rather than focusing on a specific situation. For example, if someone cuts you off on the road, you might think that this person is selfish, rude, and inconsiderate. But if we discard the human factor, we can focus on a specific situation and understand the probable reasons for such behavior. Perhaps he was in a hurry or missed his turn. In other words, assess the situation and judge the sin itself, not the sinner.

4. Practice Gratitude Regularly

We can train our brains to be happy through positive thinking and gratitude. This is our key to understanding and developing a positive outlook. You can incorporate the practice of gratitude into your life on a schedule just like mindfulness meditation. But sometimes it is enough to pay attention to a beautiful sunset on the way home or to appreciate the small acts of kindness that family and friends do for you. You can write down three things you’re grateful for every night, send people a surprise thank you note, or learn to notice the beauty in everyday life. Instead of spreading evil gossip, you will begin to find ways to help others. Instead of the bad, you will begin to see the good in people.

5. Ask yourself: «Why is this important?»

Let’s say a friend meets a man who seems boring to you or wears a terrible haircut — what difference does it make to you? If your sister dressed weird or a celebrity posted a new photo on social media, how does it affect your life? If the situation does not affect you personally, do not say your comments out loud. If a loved one is going through a difficult period, assess the situation and do something to help him. If you care about him, then it affects your life. If you only make caustic comments, then this person is not so important to you. Don’t think about him and don’t say nasty things.

6. Stay open to new things

Development often comes with pain and discomfort, but we need it. It is important to be aware of situations where you are wrong and change your mind by learning new things and understanding other points of view. People must always learn and change. If you do not understand that sometimes you are wrong, and do not change some opinions, this is not development.

7. Develop empathy

In today’s world, where online bullying and scathing comments are much more common than compliments and good advice, we need to teach ourselves and our children to focus on compassion, not judgment. We need to understand other people’s points of view and practice kindness more often. It is important to stop discussing other people and learn to find other topics for conversation.

Source: theeverygirl.com