Why I’m smart, but I live like a fool: the whole truth about women’s training

A few months ago, a friend called me and asked me to help save his girlfriend, who allegedly fell into a sect. We met, and he told a sad story: for eight months she has been going to women’s trainings, as if to work. “It seems to me that I can immediately give part of my salary to her coach, and soon I will give my entire salary. The last straw was that she signed up for the training “How to find the man of your dreams.” Am I not that man?

How does it work?

How to Attract a Man, Secrets of Seduction, Funnels of Female Power, Strengthening Relationships with Oral Sex Techniques, Marriage to a Millionaire – these popular trainings are attended by thousands of women. They are waiting for a miracle and a magical transformation in 21 days from a dull housewife to a seductress.

Trainings create a special atmosphere, immerse in a fairy tale. The trainer is called a “wizard”, a guru, a “fairy”, candles and incense are lit, pleasant music is turned on.

“The daily life of a woman is quite simple: it consists of work, caring for herself and children, some kind of leisure,” says psychotherapist Irina Vinnik. – There is little magic in life, and when some problem arises, she understands that it will be difficult to solve it within everyday life. This fantasy world comes to her aid, where all women are beautiful, understand each other and know special secrets and techniques. There is an illusion that this is what she lacked. Often women do not work critical thinking. And then it works like a sect.”

Participation in the training gives a feeling of excitement, feverishness, and the more people in the group, the stronger the effect. The coach is perceived as a wise mentor, like a mother or father who will teach you how to do it, who you can trust. Participants talk about how much their life has changed after talking with a mentor, how they found happiness, got married, had a child, became confident and successful.

“These are the remains of a childish, mythological consciousness – the belief that they will give us a magic wand, with one wave of which we will be transported to a fairy-tale world,” the expert says. – Infantile women tend to look for quick solutions: it takes a long time to learn how to talk with a husband, it’s difficult to pump yourself as a person, it’s scary to take responsibility for your life. It can be a woman of any age, whose consciousness is stuck in the state of a child.

Instead of real actions, such trainings offer magical rituals, after passing through which the participant will become Aphrodite in her modern form. You are encouraged to become a “different person” like everyone else in the group, you hear learned phrases. But why does society need identical women in whom there is no spontaneity and sincerity?

Irina Vinnik advises attending useful trainings and seminars on self-development instead of trainings on transformation into a wonder woman. “Among the useful women’s trainings, I can note the training in intimate gymnastics: this is important for physiology, including improving blood circulation in the pelvic organs, and for solving postpartum problems, and for preparing for childbirth. This is a very specific set of exercises, daily workouts, and it will take effort and time to achieve results.

And this does not mean that the female energy will work in a magical way, that you will become the queen of sex or solve all the problems with a man. It’s just that intimate muscles and women’s health will be in order: through improved blood circulation, both increased sensitivity and increased pleasure from sex are possible.

What is the danger?

Few of the organizers warn about contraindications and possible negative consequences. A common example: a girl came to a meeting and, under pressure from a coach who often chooses a so-called victim for herself, she said a lot of personal things about herself. Arriving home, she feels a deep sense of guilt for this frankness – psychologically she was not ready for it. Or feels a sense of shame, disappointment.

You need to take into account the peculiarity of your nervous activity and answer the question: what do I expect from this training, what results should I achieve? If it seems to you that something has gone wrong: the coach is unpleasant for you, he puts pressure on you, the atmosphere in the group is too strange, feel free to get up and leave.

To attend trainings and develop very well, they can really change lives, but it will take years. Promises to make you happy in three days and find a millionaire husband – a story from the category of sorcerers and magicians. Any training should be considered as training, and it cannot be fast. For example, the average psychotherapy group lasts six months. And after it, years of work on yourself follow. Then you can really become a different person, find yourself, a calling and create a happy family.